Max(imum Beef)

21+
90% retweets. 10% incorrect thoughts.
i block therapeutically

[Max(imum Beef) @AngusBoi]

the twitter timeline is a gacha and by god im going to keep spending brain cells so i can get that ss+ ultra tier joke that makes me smile for two seconds before i stroke out and die

[uu @um33m3]

i let so much shit slide you’d think i was a laxative

[e l l a 🇨🇦 @blondehotcoffee]

whoever has my voodoo doll stop putting so much poop in its butt

[Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJarboly]

*me, dead for several years, in my casket six feet in the earth. suddenly, my phone, which i insisted on being buried with me, lights up. it’s a notification from my smart fridge that we’re low on orange juice.*

[hope hopes hoping @hopes_revenge]

adderall makes me so pliant and submissive . yes i will email you back

[cav empty @cavempty_]

i likely died many years ago and this is all a fabrication created as a sort of purgatory for me whether thats to to teach me something or punish im not sure but i appreciate all your efforts in making this feel so real

[xavier @zorobutt]

just bent my adhd over and creampied it deep in the ass #ChoresDone #GotAMealIn #Showered #BrushedMyTeeth

[Paradox 🫀 @CorrodedParadox]

🍣 GIVEAWAY 🍣

Winner will get a salmon lanyard in the size of their choice!

🍣 RULES 🍣
- must be following me
- like + rt
- comment your favorite sushi for another entry

More info below!

[emory / comms open 🐠 @gummygoby]

(thinking really hard) i call this one… “let’s be cute with spongebob” (2026)

[Ash @empashthegoat]

worst part about being depressed is you finish jerking off and then randomly wonder if your friends even like you or just tolerate you out of pity

[j @grimeywonder1]

american imagining a better time: “remember when walmart was open at night”

[MAJOR @Squeeze1i]

undiagnosed AUTISTIC people will be like "I don't get upset when my routine changes though!!" and it's because they've built a set of if-then loops in their head to pick from one of 6 different strict routines and they do get incredibly upset when they're unable to keep to any of the 6 scripts. I'm employee 847 normal.

[Zoe Thorogood @zoethorogood]

I’m only capable of drawing hideous dogs

[julia @juumelo_]

boy I sure hope nothing pisses me off today! I say as I clock in to the pissing me off factory