My husband texted me from work to ask if our son’s cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this family
“We haven’t seen a midfielder use her left foot to deflect a free kick from a right footed fullback under light cloud cover since the second Thursday of the Tokyo Olympics”
- Olympics announcers
#OlympicGames#Paris2024#ParisOlympics2024
Conversations with the cable company:
Me: I’d like to cancel my service
Cable company: Of course, I’d be glad to help! But first, I’d like to try and sell you a few other things…
That time I accidentally parked half on the sidewalk and in a tree, but couldn’t freak out about it because my teen daughter was with me and I had to MoDeL gOoD bEhAviOr
Anyone who has gifted my child a harmonica, whistle or kazoo shall be sentenced to listen to the presidential debate on repeat for the rest of eternity