Anonymous Roommate

#bitstothewind

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

First step: wake 'em up. Second step: drool in their mouth. Third step: hot sex. Fourth step: profit.

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"That size of French press makes me worry that anyone who owns it hates themselves."

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"Levi and I know bitches."

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"She has a lot going on, and none of it is pants." #JESSEGREGG #bringingitback (We're at Duke's again. This time it's St. Patrick's Day.)

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

🎵"He was a top, he was a bottom/can I make it any more obvious"🎵

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

#notallsexdreams

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

#disctest #morebooze

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

#SPOOPY

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

None beef with left alcohol.

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"Sex adventures. Sexentures." "I don't like that. It sounds like sex dentures."

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"Listen. You're going to need to become a transgender fairy and get out into the world."

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"I knew there was a reason you put Envy on your lips this morning." "Quick, steal a dog so we can go run into him at the dog park!"

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"Penises don't speak, you know."
"Really?"
"I don't know if you've ever seen one..."
"Not outside of real life."

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"But also. I think you are pretty enough for tattoos"

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"That penguin looks like a stripper." "We...bought a zoo?"

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"Hashtag, not all burrito fuckers." "THAT CANNOT BE OUR NEW ZOO"

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"I love collagen." "I love vaginas."

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

Assless Chaps for Flightless Birds: A Story of Hope.

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

"It was called Johnathon's! That's a bar name"
"No...."

[Anonymous Roommate @AnonRoommate]

#notallrabbitfuckers