Anonymous Mom

Mom, wife, daughter, engineer 🤓 on here lemme vent, be nerdy, unprofessional, unladylike✌🏼

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Have kids, so when you buy 4 rolls of tape, you find 0 when you need it

Wrapping 7 yo’s class exchange gift with glue #momlife

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Yall I am SO tired. Les Schwab with a toddler is HeLl hell HELL

GET OFF THE TABLE!

STOP LICKING THE FLOOR!!

StOp RuNnInG

#momlife #boymom

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

No one:……

10yo son: did you know @TheRock doesn’t have abs????

………….

Like he has pecs then it’s baby smooth

…………

He said his dad didn’t have abs either

Me: how the hell you know so much about @TheRock ?! Dude did you FART????!

Son; 💨 😈

#momlife #boymom

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

7: can I make you a really special, really delicious dessert??!

Me: sure!

7, comes out of kitchen: how do you feel about whip cream and…….sprite?

🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t hate it #momlife

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

@Lysol you cowards!!!! Put perforations back in your goddamn wipes!!

Ever had to clean smudgy dog 💩 smashed into carpet using hand torn Lysol wipes????! Comes out in ribbons

R i B b O n S……you ever pick up gooey 💩 💩 with ribbons?????!

#1stworldprobs #99problems&lysol1

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Are late 30s hormones fur real???

Wanna strangle my husband but also demanding he WFH today….like be quiet but don’t leave me

🤬 😭🫠🫠

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Love that my toddler gets emotionally attached to random objects

Naptime? Mom, need my snuggly silver pie server!!!

Get in my car seat? Mom! Need Pump Pump!! (Aka my vacuum sealing wine pump)

My heart. Don’t take my heart!! (Tin of dog nose balm = Te Fiti’s ♥️)
#momlife

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

You ever wake up at 4am with someone demanding milk and string cheese and finally at 5am you relent and get the string cheese….only to wake up at 7am with said string cheese entangled in your hair?
#toddlersagas

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Some of you never woke up in your toddler’s urine

then tried to sleep thru your 7 yo’s 4am LIVE National Geographic podcast,

and it shows

Scorpions are part of the arachnid family
#🎤drop
#momlife
#toddlerHOOD
#arachnids4life

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Some of you weren’t traumatized enough reading Lord of the Flies in school,
and it shows

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Packing lunches, cementing hairstyles on 10 & 7 to last thru cross country practice - of course school photos are AFTER physical activity

2 yo: wonder what the dogs will look like covered in milk and blue playdoh….

#momlife #toddlerhood

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

7: why does dad have a bunch of Coke lying around his car and now here on the coffee table??!

Me: ……………….

COCA-COLA. Ah!! COCA-cola

#momlife #thisisnormalright

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Being a boy mom means
watching your toddler feed himself
using a decapitated monster alien as a spoon
and thinking, this is totally normal

#thisisnormalright #momlife

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Hubby is coaching 7 yo flag football. After observing 1st half of game, I comment to assistant coach how difficult coaching must be, “you ever coach something like this??”

Asst coach: oh uh…I was actually your son’s baseball coach last spring…

😬🤦🏻‍♀️ #momlife #parenting

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

WOMAN! Even Helen Keller could’ve read the room vibes, like stop talkin to me!!!! #momlife #daughterlife

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Me:
**struggling to get lunches packed, 3 kids out the door, dinner prepped**

My mom: what’s the dinner plan, 11 days from now?
Did you leave a box of cheez its at your aunt’s house?
Do you wanna see the picture.
Look. LOOK! Look is the box of cheez its yours?

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

AbSoLuTeLy NO lighting things on FiRe today!!!

**things I never thought I’d yell at my feral summer children/all boys/mini testosteronies**

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Middle, wide-eyed: I can throw rocks. At. The. Window?!

Me: noooo no no no nope. I meant more like pebbles, omg I forgot you’re not a 90s baby. PLEASE don’t throw rocks at the window!! #momlife

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Middle stayed home from club today (we call it mental health day, but NO screens if you stay home)

He’s spraying a hose at my WFH office window, so I crack the window saying “it’s like in the movies! Where you’re lovingly throwing rocks at my window!”

[Anonymous Mom @AnonymousMom247]

Parenting is like, yes I’ll wake up with you at 2am cuz your lil 2 yo brain is just learning English 🥹

and omgosh so many new words 🥹

yes that’s McKenzie on Bluey, wow your speech is SO clear 🥹😣

the toddler brain is fascinating but also…..PLEASE GO THE F$&! TO SLEEP