notjasonsegel

not Jason Segel, unless? @NewhouseSU Alum ‘21

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

TAKE ME NOT BETTY

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

the homosexual urge to shake some ass at a formal black tie work event

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

had chipotle 20 min ago and I am now undergoing PREGNANCY

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

@brigot_ I am thee 5 Star Bitch

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

and that’s on mental illness luv💖

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

30 years from now I will be that gay dad that terrorizes his children by scream singing all of the lyrics to super bass on our morning commutes to school. I’m gonna be such a good parent 🥺

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

not but like if you repost your latest insta photo on your story literally grow tf up babe ❤️

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

Shawn Mendes breaking up with Camila Cabello is absolutely, positively giving Cher

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

if I were a parrot, I’d simply unleash the loudest, most annoying frickin kakas at all hours of the day

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

22 years later, I never woulda thought I’d be at the mercy of Microsoft Excel, Email and a Display Monitor

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

@__ivq Okay art direction 👏

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

call a straight man gay and they legit will start to seize and foam from the mouth

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

@gamestopbooty I know….

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

if you ever think you’re down terrible, just know that I drunkenly ate a $.99 pizza slice after it fell onto the dirty, cold and unforgiving pavement of a NYC sidewalk

LET ME REPEAT, A $.99 PIZZA….

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

@slater_wd oh brother is right

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

@ZachAnder1 I read this in your voice

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

@lexaaarg one day, you wake up and it just all makes sense

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

I literally will never understand how my body was ever able to handle a 4-day long drinking bender in college

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

The Jack Harlow (2021, Colorized, 4032x3024 shot on iPhone 12 Pro Max)

[notjasonsegel @AppelloChris]

just sold my blue whale-shaped bong from college on depop and I’ve never felt more like a Gen Z girl boss in my entire life