Maria Thomas

WINNER @oxfordflash,2nd Propelling Pencil 22; flash finalist @LIStoryPrize 22; winner RW April 22 micro & FFF13 . Member @retreatwest and @writershq communities

[Maria Thomas @AppleWriter]

A NYE appropriate picture too!

[The Pride Roars @PrideRoars94731]

Our next contributor is Maria Thomas
Follow her on
X: @AppleWriter
BS: @appleshapedwriter.bsky.social

[mariana Z @mariana057]

Physician: Your body has ran out of magnesium.

Me: 0mg

[Sean Hanlon @seanhanlon77]

Fair enough 😂

[Maria Thomas @AppleWriter]

I feel seen

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

Our HR department just migrated all our mandatory compliance training to a new gamified learning management system.

I received an automated email stating I had 48 hours to complete a module on data privacy or my badge would be deactivated.

I logged into the portal and was greeted by a cartoon badger named Barnaby.

Barnaby told me I was about to embark on a security quest.

I'm 44 years old.

I don't want to go on a quest.

The first module was a video about phishing scams produced like a high-budget daytime soap opera.

The actors were inappropriately attractive for a simulated accounts payable department.

The main character, Chad, left his laptop open at a coffee shop while he ordered a matcha latte.

A guy in a black hoodie immediately sat down and downloaded the entire corporate mainframe to a USB drive in four seconds.

Then the video paused and asked me to identify Chad's critical mistake.

The multiple choice options were leaving the device unsecured, using public Wi-Fi, or failing to foster a culture of vigilance.

I clicked the first one.

Barnaby the badger popped up and told me I was technically correct, but I lacked a holistic security mindset.

He deducted 10 "synergy tokens" from my digital wallet.

I didn't even know I had a digital wallet.

The next scenario involved a complex ethical dilemma about accepting gifts from vendors.

A supplier offered the protagonist a branded corporate fleece.

The video framed this as the first step toward international corporate espionage.

I was asked if accepting the fleece was a violation of the anti-bribery statutes.

I clicked yes.

Barnaby congratulated me and awarded me a bronze digital badge of integrity.

I tried to fast-forward through the next video because it was 45 minutes long.

The player immediately froze and a warning message appeared saying Barnaby notices you are rushing.

The video restarted from the very beginning.

I sat there for 45 minutes watching a dramatization of password hygiene while staring blankly at my monitor.

At the end of the quest, I had to take a 50-question final exam.

One question asked how long a visitor badge is valid under the new global security matrix.

I guessed 24 hours.

Barnaby appeared with a sad face and told me it was 12 hours.

I failed the module with an 84 percent.

The passing grade was 85 percent.

Barnaby informed me that my quest must start over.

I considered throwing my company-issued laptop out the window.

Instead, I sent an email to HR asking for an extension.

I got an automated reply saying the HR representative was out of the office on a corporate wellness retreat.

I clicked replay on the video.

Chad is about to leave his laptop at the coffee shop again.

This time I hope the hacker deletes my employee profile entirely.

[Ramin Nasibov @RaminNasibov]

House of Errors Tennis Sweater

[David Wingrave @davewingrave]

Foyles' bookseller list much more revealing of where we're at than the Guardian's

[verypete lambert @Prof_Quiteamess]

Why did the Queen call him 'Mister Bond' in the London Olympics opening bit? She's his superior officer not a supervillain and they're both on duty so it should be 'Commander Bond'.
I think about this even when I'm watching Star Wars.

[` @ick_real]

actually you know what
why the FUCK havent we made blenders quieter, we found a way to silence guns, SURELY someone can silence a blender
please
theyre so fucking loud

[scha·den·freu·de  @BlisterPearl]

"Trickle down economics doesn't work, so let's try piñata economics. That's the one where we beat the billionaires until the hoarded wealth falls out."

[Mara Webster 🇬🇧🇺🇸 @Mara_Webster]

If anybody asks how I’m doing right now I’m going to send them this video as a representation of my current state of mind

[ryan @mesculs]

daddy matt ended the young hoes

[Maria Thomas @AppleWriter]

THIS 👇🏼

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

No, I do not want the AI overview.
I want to read a Wikipedia page that leads me to another Wikipedia page, and another, and another, and get lost for hours down a completely unrelated rabbit hole as the gods intended.

[Micha @kuromiumiu]

A lot of celebs bring back a lot of archival pieces to wear at events- but I would love to see the resurgence of vintage designer bridal looks!!

[Windy Beaver @WindyBeaver]

Every British person watching him load up that mustard is chuckling before he puts it in his mouth.

[Dan Diamond @ddiamond]

Amazing kicker in the NYT’s list of the 100 Best Restaurants in NYC @ligayamishan

[Micha @kuromiumiu]

There’s levels to this- a stephen jones millinery hat, the bvlgari serpenti necklace, the custom schiaparelli suit- oh miss dua, you know ball

[dan barker @danbarker]

In one of the corners of Trafalgar Square, you'll find the 'imperial standards of length', cast in bronze.

They were put there in 1876, 150 years ago this year, so members of the public could compare their own measuring devices to make sure they were accurate.

[Up Next @upnextdesigner]

this is toooo goood

[MariBattos @BattosMari]

as referências que a dua lipa tem usado nesse pré-wedding só me deixam ainda mais curiosa para o vestido de noiva oficial

[Aubrey Strobel @aubreystrobel]

The best beginning of a relationship I’ve ever heard:

“We sat next to each other and realised we were reading the same book, which is crazy. It’s called Trust [by Hernán Díaz] and I had just finished the first chapter and I told her and she looked at me and said, ‘I just finished the first chapter too.’ I said, ‘So we’re on the same page.’”

— Callum Turner on meeting Dua Lipa

[Dua Lipa Brasil @dualipabrasil]

“Sentamos lado a lado e descobrimos que estávamos lendo o mesmo livro, ‘Trust’, de Hernan Diaz, o que é loucura. Eu tinha acabado de terminar o primeiro capítulo; ela também. Logo eu disse: ‘Então estamos na mesma página’”

— Callum Turner sobre como ele e Dua Lipa se conheceram.