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opinion.

[The Noisy Elephant @TheNoisyTrunk]

#Noisy has applied to be a candidate for One Nation.

Here is the application letter as submitted.
_________________________________________

Dear Pauline Hancock
Supreme Empress
of the Iron-Clad Vetting Process,

Please accept this as my official application to become your candidate for (redacted) — and, in time, the dazzling crown jewel of your parliamentary collection.

I submit myself humbly, confidently, and criminally unburdened.

After reviewing your party’s rich archaeological record of candidate selection, I believe my résumé will astonish you. It is, regrettably, almost entirely free of scandal.

For example:

I do not drink. Not a sip. Not even a “just one more” tactical wobble in a planter box à la Barnaby Joyce. My bloodstream is tragically sober.

I am almost twice the height of Malcolm Roberts, and I achieve this altitude without the assistance of aluminium headwear or cosmic frequency shielding.

I am not a #rapist. I have never been jailed for rape. I have never been charged with rape. I realise this may place me outside traditional party benchmarks.

I am not currently being charged with electoral fraud. Nor have I ever been. I know. It’s unsettling.

I am not, nor have I ever been, a member of a neonazi cosplay appreciation club. I do not own the T-shirt. I do not own the merch. I do not march in the streets yelling about bloodlines or light bulbs.

I have never physically fought another #OneNation member in Parliament, in the corridor, or in the car park.

I do not eat babies. Not even free-range.

As you can see, I am already dangerously overqualified.

In addition:

• I possess a legitimate police clearance — laminated, even.
• I wear a properly tailored Gucci suit. It fits. Intentionally.
• I can tie my own tie without adult supervision.
• I own a very shiny, very expensive car that does not double as a mobile Facebook livestream backdrop.
• I can fund my own campaign. I do not require emergency mineral magnate sponsorship. Gina may rest.

Furthermore:
• I am articulate. Alarmingly so.

• I debate with facts and complete sentences.

• I can draft policy without typing “what is governance” into a search bar.

• I am photogenic. The camera loves me. Even Sky News would struggle to find my “menacing angle.”

• By conservative estimate, I am twelve degrees of separation from Murdoch — which I understand, in certain circles, counts as hereditary legitimacy.

• Physically presentable (No, you cannot touch me). Financially independent. Criminally uninteresting.

• I have no 'past'.

• In short, Pauline, I am the cleanest thing to ever approach your candidate spreadsheet.

Which brings me to my only condition:

Upon acceptance, I must be made leader immediately.
I understand this is unconventional. However, given my glaring absence of indictments, extremist affiliations, and parliamentary punch-ups, I believe the promotion is justified.

I await your rejection with confidence.
Warmest regards,

(Name withheld pending background check shock)

[The Noisy Elephant @TheNoisyTrunk]

"Hypocrisy Hughesy" is back at it again, this time targeting taxpayer-funded healthcare in the justice system, or flaps, or food, or fatties - Whatever.

In a recent Hughesy video (See below) rant regarding convicted murderer #ErinPatterson reportedly receiving #Ozempic in custody, Dave Hughes seemingly takes a swing at government spending, expressing outrage that taxpayers are footing the bill. He caps it off with a clunky joke suggesting she’d lose weight fast if she ate her own deadly Beef Wellington, a comment that leaves little doubt as to what he was implying.

Setting aside the fact that Ozempic is a standard, TGA-approved treatment for Type 2 diabetes, a clinical necessity #Hughesy presumably hasn't reviewed, the broader issue is his sudden, selective outrage over prison healthcare.

Let’s check the receipts.

Back in November 2016, right after his former radio colleague Ben Cousins was arrested, Hughes posted:

"Ben Cousins was brilliant value when he worked with Hughesy And Kate back in his Richmond_FC days. Hope he can find a way back."

Notice the clear empathy for his self-described "mate."

Cousins was subsequently jailed, where public reports indicate he received state-funded medical detox, rehabilitation services, and mental health support, all funded by Australian taxpayers. Yet across Hughesy’s public 𝕏 feed, there was zero outrage expressed about public funds being used to support his friend that we could find.

After November 2016? Complete radio silence on his X feed regarding Cousins. One might wonder if stepping away once a prison sentence hit was simply better for #BrandHughesy.

Fast forward to today: when state-funded custodial healthcare goes to an inmate Hughesy probably doesn't know, it’s framed as an outrageous waste of public money. When it’s a high-profile mate, it’s "Hope he finds a way back."

Whether one agrees with the policy or not, state correctional facilities operate under a strict legal duty of care to provide medical treatment to all inmates, a health standard that has existed across successive state and federal governments for decades, well before the current administration.

Either taxpayer-funded prison healthcare is a universal healthcare principle, or Dave Hughes is simply picking and choosing when to play the outrage card for clicks and clout.

Is it genuine political commentary, or just selectively applied principles? You decide.

Either way, Dave's ranting is what needs slimming down.

[Erin Tracey @ErinTracey89]

Dave Hughes is dangerously insane and needs to be sectioned.

[The Noisy Elephant @TheNoisyTrunk]

@TerryCorby57986 He's a flog. Brain like a roasted peanut minus the nutrition.

[The Noisy Elephant @TheNoisyTrunk]

@ktwhoopi Constant faceplanting.

[The Noisy Elephant @TheNoisyTrunk]

@lagoonki @BegglesDenise Oh. Shit. I'm caught with my pants down.

[ScottyB63 🇺🇦 @B63Scotty]

@TheNoisyTrunk

[The Noisy Elephant @TheNoisyTrunk]

@B63Scotty 𝕏 originally hid the post. Must have hit a nerve.

[The Noisy Elephant @TheNoisyTrunk]

@lagoonki @DHughesy @ALeighMP I find it comical that Hughesy would even think of taking on Andrew. That is funny. Finally, the fwit has actually made us laugh.

Intellect codes:

Andrew /!\
Hughesy /'\

[The Noisy Elephant @TheNoisyTrunk]

@DHughesy calls an election*.

Hughesy, the pompous political powerhouse (See image 2), asks* @ALeighMP if he can call an election in his latest whinge.

Hughesy, taking a stab at his intellectual superior, wants an election simply because... well, Dave wants one.

Which reveals something Davina hasn't thought through. Hardly surprising.

Here's what the polls say.

If an election were held tomorrow (around half past five, right before dinner and Dave's visit to his room of knowledge and the big white bowl affectionately known as "Flushy"), we quote the ROY MORGAN POLL of 7 September 2026:

"If a Federal Election were held now, the ALP would win a majority against either One Nation or the L-NP Coalition."

So #Hughesy, famous for his aggressive thrift, refusing to fly business class lest he catch politicionaitis, driving a Wolwo, and living on sprouts and recycled cardboard sandwiches (fuck, they're cheap), would happily have the TAXPAYER spend roughly ONE BILLION DOLLARS* (queue Dr. Evil laugh) just to return Labor to power.

Which, when you stop to think about it, sounds very Hughesy, doesn't it. (Absence of question mark, deliberate).

And because we know Dave, he'll get all thin-skinned and spitty, quoting cooker polls or fringe specs that predict One Nation will win (they won't). Which, if he does, simply proves what many people have said all along: he's not a Liberal supporter, he's a One Nation stooge. Because if an election were called tomorrow, under ANY reputable poll, THE LIBERALS ARE NOT GETTING ELECTED.

Regardless of which poll you use to feed the fantasy, the Liberals lose. And even if the electorate went completely freeze-dried and the cookers gained ground, it’s a massive gamble with the public money Dave claims to care about.

The earliest a normal election can legally take place is August 2027, just 11 months away. That’s one single birthday away, Dave, yet you want a ONE BILLION DOLLAR burn of public cash right now just to satisfy a personal whim.

So sorry to give you the HUMP, Dr. Shitter.

Dave, go to the white room, close the door, groan.

*The cost of the 2025 Australian federal election breakdown:

AEC Operational Cost: $674.4 million

Public Election Funding: $93.85 million

Political Party Campaign Spending: ~$489 million

Total Combined Cost: Roughly $1.1 billion to $1.2 billion.

COOKER.

Link to Davina's post in the replies, just for giggles.

[The Noisy Elephant @TheNoisyTrunk]

#Noisy applied to #PaulineHanson for a job as a candidate.

We have received no reply.

Yet, recently, her party were on national TV, defending the selection of their Victorian party leader. Something to do with fucking drugs?

And yet, as you will see from my resume in the attached post below, I'm clean. Didn't even get a fucking reply from #Onenation

Says all you need to know.

[Dr Tracy Westerman AM @TracyWesterman]

Please share widely.
My paper has just been published in Clinical Psychologist: “Arguing the need for Aboriginal specific testing of attachment theory as a foundation of culturally informed child protection and attachment best practice.”

This paper, I believe is critically important to reducing Indigenous child removals.

The gap it documents is this: Aboriginal child removals have increased 119% over a decade. Non-Indigenous removals are down 12%. And the primary scientific tool used to assess infant attachment — Ainsworth’s Strange Situation Procedure — has been validated in more than 40 countries. Never with Aboriginal Australians.

That is not a footnote. That is a foundation missing from every child protection decision made about Aboriginal families by a workforce that is 94% non-Indigenous.

Based on over two decades of original research and clinical work, this paper presents new models for understanding culturally informed attachment — including collective caregiving, kinship obligation, skin and avoidance relationships, race-mediated trauma, and Black Identity Formation — and what it means for assessment and treatment.

The Westerman Jilya Institute has secured funding to do what this paper argues is urgently needed: validate the SSP with Aboriginal children for the first time, and build the first evidence-based attachment program designed from within Aboriginal culture.

https://t.co/rKxCr7gf4o

[Arguemyass Dot Com @ArgueMyAss]

@NellShel @TheNoisyTrunk Lol, they educated you & you still got it wrong. Maybe get some comprehension schooling. They wrote:

Therefore, what we are saying is that whilst education does not equal intelligence that has no bearing on whether a person has intelligence or not.

Fuck you are dumb.

[Arguemyass Dot Com @ArgueMyAss]

@Sapper77212349

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@Sapper77212349 @MurrayWatt

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@AlboMP

[Arguemyass Dot Com @ArgueMyAss]

@Sapper77212349

[Arguemyass Dot Com @ArgueMyAss]

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[Arguemyass Dot Com @ArgueMyAss]

@Sapper77212349 @hammerofleft Hello "sweetie"/'\

[Arguemyass Dot Com @ArgueMyAss]

Hello @Sapper77212349 seems you have "cock" on your mind, deary, petal, peaches.