Ari Mostow

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - coffee mug from Etsy

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Just discovered shirts and shoes. Absolute game changer. Getting so much service!

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Everyone likes a reading a good book on a rainy day but what about a bad book on a sunny day?

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Margo Robbie announced a Monopoly movie in the works. I can’t wait for its hit song, “I’m Just Thimble.”

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Uh oh: the years of work I've spent resolving my trust issues in therapy have made me fall for your April Fools' prank!

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

to everyone I texted "love and care about you" this morning... APRIL FOOLS!!!

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

i wouln't have bothered applying on linkedin had i known it would just be a nepotism hire

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Why do roosters crow but crows caw?

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Here's a video of me telling jokes https://t.co/mnhWSdanwX

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Captain Kirk at a restaurant: “can I get a to-boldly-go box?”

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

I’m planning ahead for retirement. Day 1 I’m gonna go fishing. Day 2 maybe read a book.

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

MAGA hates Taylor Swift but the lyric “in my defense I have none” is often quoted in Trump’s legal proceedings.

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

My AT&T is so bad I can't even call AT&T to complain

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

The fee is worth the convenience

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Frank Sinatra wrote the lyric ‘Each careful step along the byway’ and thought “what the hell can I rhyme with this??”

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Who was the first human ever who thought of sitting on a horse? What a creep.

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

People are either “delighted” to inform me or they “regret” to inform me. There’s no in between.

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

I like drinking coffee out of other people’s souvenir mugs. For you it’s a special vacation memory, but for me it’s just a beverage container.

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

can't decide between going to grad school or learning the rules to settlers of catan

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Pro tip: if you naturally smell like wood sage and sea salt, you can save a ton of money on cologne

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

@CensoredMen @DavidKimForCA @DavidKimForCA shame on you for sharing this Hamas propaganda. Read the accounts of the countless hostages who, once they were safely returned, described being subjected to beatings, solitary confinement in small cages, starvation, etc.

[Ari Mostow @Ari_Mostow]

Where others see a scary Jack-o'-lantern, I see a wasted opportunity for what could have been a delicious pumpkin bisque