Harry Redknapp

I got 999 problems but a twitch aint one.

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

What's all this about some new fella on 'ere pretending to be me? He's like some h'riffic parody or summink.

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

http://t.co/LOg2uBMKsL - Is there anyfink better than being stuck in triffic on deadline day...?!

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

'AVe that you Bastard! I'm over 'ere twitching like a blind lezzer in a fishmongers again.

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

And what was with all them Scousers in the Sky studio? I had to ring me South African sign language fella to interpret for me down the phone

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

We was nearly winning the bloody Champions League until Joe Lewis rung me from the Bahamas to tell me tax evasion was a bad image for Spurs

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

Gordon Bennet! All me triffic work I done at the Lane's been undid quicker than Rolf Arris' zipper on Tiswas

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

Taught him everyfink. How to rock a sarong. How to stuff a tennis ball down his y-fronts. He only had 2 balls when I took over.

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

I actually signed Becks for West Ham when I was at Bournemouth. Sold him to Man U when Michael Knighton gave me a 120% stake in Betamax.

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

I can still claim me jobseeker's on Mondee though, right?

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

The Queen's Park Rangers? Aint that them what caught out George Michael that time? I aint no facking cottager...!

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

Jamie's just told me The QPR are after me. Christ, that aint one'a them FBI CIA fingamabobs is it? Sandraaa, start the bleeding shredder!

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

To Dare Is To Do One 15 Minutes Before The End

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

@hemphead63 Spare players? 'Ave a word, we're down to the bare bones over 'ere fella. I feel like Karen Carpenter.

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

Cant believe that dunce Gomes mugged me off like that. Slowest Brazilian since I made Sandra wax her growler with blu-tac. #blameany1butArry

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

Anyway Stoke, Sunderland, its all the same fing. Like a student dorm after a party its just a shit'ole littered with half-empty red stripes.

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

Of course I meant Stoke you muppets! Blame Gomes, not me. Most pointless Brazilian since SuBo got her fanny waxed.

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

Just told the lads tomorrows game plan: hoof it to Crouchy! "But Crouchy's up in Sunderland" says Gomes. Well fucking hoof it longer then!!!

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

I cant afford to get sent down with a face this pretty. They'd 'ave me juggling more fruits behind bars than Tom Cruise in Cocktail.

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

Save me the top bunk, fella!… RT: @HMRCgovuk Ringleader of airport duty free gang gets 5 years jail for evading more than £545k tobacco duty

[Harry Redknapp @Arry_Redknapp]

@pitchtalk As long as I get more royalty payments than Henri Paul out of it you can use whatever you like lads! Knock yourselves aat...