Mama Roo

160 characters can't define me. I'm way too complex. Hah- right!

[Ron Perlman @perlmutations]

Fox News is killing Americans. Pass it on.

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

#bublysweepstakes say wha?

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

#RATbooksnack Not pictured- hummus, strawberries, and kindle. Life is good 😍

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

#readathon Primed and ready

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

Did you just wipe a bogey on me? 😮
No Mama. Two bogies!
#momlife #gross #iamnotyourkleenex

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

#RATbooksnack #readathon

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

Working on vocabulary today: “do you know what obnoxious means!?” #momlife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

Mid-tantrum, 2yo angrily picks a diaper wedgie. I know I’m supposed to be understanding of her feelings, but how are you supposed to NOT laugh at a pint-sized ball of angry picking their ass? #momlife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

Things my 2yo says: “I’m too upset for consequences.” #nokidding #momlife #stillontimeout

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

Hubby: Mom’s making dinner!
2yo: Yea, something stinks. Like Baby Beluga toots.
H: Um... I think it smells delicious. Not like whale fart at all...

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

2 year-olds are weird.

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

Tic-tac-toe games take a loooong time when your opponent's marks are so elaborate #momlife #ToddlerLife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

Me: Y'know what? I love you!
Toddler: Y'know what? Lamp!
Welp. That's nice too. #momlife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

Gourmet: being force-fed stale cheerios by a 2yo with sticky hands #momlife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

If you don't lock the bathroom door in your own house, are you even a parent? #momlife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

I'm gonna start asking her to put her toys away just before I go to the bathroom. She'll disappear & I'll get a moment in private #momlife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

"I can't hear you mama. I'm drinking milk. You'll have to excuse me." Damnit, she's so polite while ignoring me #momlife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

TFW combing your toddler's hair was such a struggle that you forgot to comb your own #birdsnest #momlife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

"Vroom! Vrooooom"
"Well, yea... they both do that"
#dadconvo https://t.co/Wlfiy5aY81

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

"What's that noise Dada?"
"It's a motorcycle"
"Like your motorcycle?"
"No! That's an inline 4. Mine's an inline triple" #bikerbaby #momlife

[Mama Roo @Ashalantern]

"What's that noise Dada?"
"It's a motorcycle"
"Like your motorcycle?"
"No! That's an inline 4. Mine's an inline triple" #bikerbaby #momlife