Ashford

My dentist told me that I'm taller than most

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

CENTIPEDES!

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

marco polo but with a gun

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

I need a cowboy hat to go along with my skateboard

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

Lauded is a word that looks and sounds like it should mean the opposite of what it actually means

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

I will never purchase a jeep because the little rubber ducks obscuring the drivers view is too much of a safety hazard for me.

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

Don't mind me, just purposely messing up every captcha I come across to save the world from AI

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

What is a "patch kid"?
And why are the only two options sour or cabbage?

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

@jonwayne @Cromwelp Didn't it get 8 sequels?

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

Scariest things I've encountered today in order of increasing scariness

Squirrel climbed out of the storm drain that I was standing on

Ice cream truck

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

@ptljets Yes

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

It's strange that government agencies have merch
People just walk around with NASA on a white jacket...do you work there? I think not
But nobody is rockin a U.S Department Of The Interior jacket, and they have a great logo with a buffalo on it
In short, people like NASA too much

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

And then I do that and nothing happens

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

Has anyone ever successfully taught somebody how to whistle?

Because I refuse to believe that they have, every tutorial I've seen is like "do this super simple thing with your tongue, then do this simple thing with your teeth, then do this simple thing with your lips, now blow"

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

I only brushed my teeth two times today, I really gotta bump my numbers up...
I'm going to eat some carrots for eye health and then I have a reason to brush my teeth again which will bump me up to a solid 3 teeth brushing sessions today

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

@ptljets Thank you Paul

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

I brushed my teeth 5 times today

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

Every now and then I suddenly remember that there's a scene in a Pixar film in which a human child that acts like a dog trips balls with a dinosaur, and I think to myself "hmmm, that's odd"

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

I know it doesn't make any sense but when I eat a bunch of mixed nuts and then I eat some Ritz crackers right after there's a faint taste of Strawberry Banana Danimals

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

It took me far too long to realize that the Newton is just holding the Fig back

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

@kirk4mvp @Vikings How did you find this 8 year old tweet replying to Mike Wallace news?

[Ashford @AshfordAc]

@Vikings how do you like? I can only favorite.