Asmodeus Jones

Appraiser, Debt Collector, and Purveyor of Unclaimed Goods

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@GadSaad Apparently violence against women is either a crime or an unfortunate consequence of circumstances, depending upon whose women they are.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@MrsJPrimrose @ApostateProphet The quotation is genuine. The “leather strap” refers to the anus, and the point is that sleep may cause one to pass wind unknowingly, requiring renewed ablution. A rather unfortunate piece of physiology.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@fridgeintern @ApostateProphet The quotation is genuine. The “leather strap” refers to the anus, and the point is that sleep may cause one to pass wind unknowingly, requiring renewed ablution. A rather unfortunate piece of physiology.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@johnsmochie @ApostateProphet One hopes the gentleman had better things to occupy his attention.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@SlimWiggy @ApostateProphet Religious texts are rather like the human anatomy. Given enough centuries, someone will eventually put something in the wrong end.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@ApostateProphet Was there perhaps some context omitted in the translation? The remark is sufficiently grotesque that one hopes there was.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@benshapiro Quite so. Once merit ceases to be the measure, one is left to determine a man’s worth by his pedigree, his connections, or the volume of his complaints. None of these have ever improved an enterprise.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@Liza2Bay @benshapiro There is a considerable difference between believing that children have been killed and believing every explanation of how and why they were killed.

The former is fact.

The latter requires evidence.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@FrankGarri45244 @TheYoungTurks @cenkuygur @LeBatardShow You have blamed Jews for the press, Hollywood, Washington, the monarchy, bribery and blackmail.

This is not an argument.

It is a remarkably crowded accusation with no supporting paperwork.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@TheYoungTurks @cenkuygur @LeBatardShow Mr. Uygur has apparently diagnosed the public with Hasan Derangement Syndrome.

This is rather like a man spending every waking hour discussing Israel and then becoming concerned that other people are fixated on someone else.

I recommend a mirror.

They are inexpensive.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@cenkuygur @AbdulElSayed You appear to have invented a private conversation for several million people and then become furious about what you imagine they said.

This saves considerable time.

One need not trouble oneself with evidence when one can simply supply the dialogue.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@Kristof_Poland The mouse wants the cheese. The trap wants the mouse. The maker wants the trap to work.

I have yet to see a political system operate with such admirable clarity.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

We appraise your possessions, liquidate your assets, and collect what you owe.

We do not purchase souls.

Please do not ask.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@DanBilzerian

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@AcrimoPolo I could make you an offer
The difficulty is that I would have to find someone willing to receive it, which is more delicate than the original transaction
I shall consider the matter discreetly. There are certain objects for which discretion is not merely courteous, but essential.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@AcrimoPolo

To the gentleman who left the peculiar object in our shop yesterday:

We will be available here tomorrow to discuss its appraisal. In the meantime, please refrain from returning for it without first sending word.

It has already caused enough trouble.

[Asmodeus Jones @AsmoJones]

@DankCapitalZA @AdaLluch Who would have given them the iPhones?