Associate Pastor

Just some thoughts, bro

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

Because a great metaphor for ministry is starting an anon Twitter account 5 years late #myfirstTweet

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

A high amount of social media posts are composed on the toilet and seem to share similarities with what else is produced there #shtwitter

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

I often hear people quote the definition of insanity in order to influence others yet never see this quote actually influence others #irony

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

If you're still working today, that might be a sign that your boss had gone to the dark side #MayThe4thBeWithYou

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

The next Fast And Furious movie comes out featuring the quest of one pastor to keep worship under an hour #FakeChurchPredictions

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

We will all become cobblers as we realize we've had it wrong the whole time. It's about saving soles, not souls #FakeChurchPredictions

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

Calvinists and Arminians will finally choose to love and accept one another, exactly as God willed it to happen #FakeChurchPredictions

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

The Brady suspension makes me feel better about the timeliness of my sermon illustrations #deflategate #ThisWasTwoYearsAgo #NFLirrelevance

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

When you play the game of pulpits, you win or you move #GameofThrones

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

To celebrate #EarthDay, our pastor will recycle an old sermon and I will recycle my "genuine" responses of laughter. Yay.

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

So very true https://t.co/PC6MubQkXS

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

#ModernizedScripture Abram's covenant in Gen 15:17 - "... a vaping firepot appeared and passed between the pieces"

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

@BitterBlueBetty I specialize in smoothies myself

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

@TheXianSatirist bro, do you know how many diseases are called by amoebas? Your mere suggestion makes me sick

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

Reading Song of Solomon 7:3 - "Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle"

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

And Can It Be? No, really, can it? #LiteHymns

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

O for a couple tongues to sing #LiteHymns

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

Tar Heel - the symptom of making a real asphalt out of yourself #NCAAChampionship

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

I'm jumping on the bandwagon of people who don't know what a Tar Heel is #NCAAChampionship

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

Someone broke @ChrchCurmudgeon https://t.co/STyV63Np1w

[Church Curmudgeon @ChrchCurmudgeon]

Just a nice hot cup of tea
Grant it, Lipton, is my plea
Coffee is too good for me
So I'll sip, sip, sip, sip my tea

[Associate Pastor @AssoPastor]

It's April Fools. The one day of the year I can't trust what I've read on the internet