Ethel Tonks

Git ootae ma handbag ye radge wee bastard.

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Braw. Git him telt, ya wee dancer xx

[Elaine Miller | Venus Envy @GussieGrips]

@labourlewis This is lovely, it sounds like you have really listened to your friend. Interestingly, that is how I know which sex your friend is and that it’s not the same as mine.

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Goat a new resident movin in tae 71 Proclaimers Estate thi morra. A Mr Mandelson frae Westminster. Cannae wait tae open a few cans wi him

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Whit’s happenin’?

Well ah’ll telt ye. Ma piles r ragin’, ma meecrowavey is oan the blink n Eileen McDougall frae flat number 5 is flyin too close tae the wind wi’ hur insistence oan playin’ Englebert Humpadick 24-7.

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Jeely piece, can a McEwans n a couple episodes a “With love, Meghan”. Might go n pick a fight wi’ Phylis Shrigley at number 8, eftir.

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Ah’m livin’ in temp sheltered hoosin’ til ma wee bungalow on the Proclaimer’s Estate is adapted. Anybidy wants tae cam n see me, ah’m in Flat 6, Jim Kerr Hoos, Simple Minds Flats, Cambuslang. #onthemove

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Ah'm back agin, jist oot after another loang stretch in pensioner clink. Ma crime this time wis teltin' Wee Boaby Smedley's son he wasnae a lass, in the queue at Greggs. #womenwontwheest

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Aye anyways ah'm back ootae motherfudgin pensioner clink n oan the razz. 3 months fae receivin stolen Tena Ladies.

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Cam ootae hidin' tae sae ah git an advance copy a wee Nippy's book. Didnae boather readin' it, used it tae mop up ma tears a laughter watchin' hur interview on ITV #Frankly #nicolasturgeon

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Aye anyways ah'm back ootae motherfudgin pensioner clink n oan the razz. 3 months fae receivin stolen Tena Ladies.

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Mind ye ah never did git tae record ma version af Ferry Cross the Gorbals wi Gerry n the Pacemakers. Thurs still time. Am 78 n still moist

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Epstein gave hur a record deal, but ah gave hur a blindin left hook. RIP Cilla, hen x

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Fond memories af teaching Cilla Black tae Glesgae kiss in the 60s whin ah wirked alang wi hur at the Cavern Club.

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

@KelseyTonks feck aff, yer a chip aff the auld block.

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

@KelseyTonks get yirsel a backbone whi' ye'r thur n aw. Ah coped wi 17 Af ye n thur wis nae telly t laptops R smart phones

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

@KelseyTonks thur NAE camin here, nae way. Ah'm aff tae ma Ovir 70s Bums, Tums b Arthritic Thumbs thi morra

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

@KelseyTonks ye cin fuck aff, ah'm nae huvin them wee shites aw feral near ma lean-to. Take um tae thur paws, ye've plenty tae choose frae

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

Aye, ye hurd it furst. Ah'm takin over frae #jeremyclarkson. Ma first assignment is "auld twat in a reasonably priced Fiat" #topgear

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

@KelseyTonks dinnae boather hen, ah 've already bin heid hunted fae the joab, ma first assignment is "Auld Twat in a Reasonably Priced Fiat"

[Kelsey Marie Tonks @KelseyTonks]

Aff doon the Joab Centre Plus thi morra, gonnae apply tae gae n work oan #topgear #jeremyclarkson

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

@LarryRobs Nae son. He's tae auld fae me. He's at least 32, ye Ken?

[Ethel Tonks @Auld_Ethel]

@LarryRobs nae such luck, ah hud a bitae flirtation wi the gadgie in the next beid, bit he goat disorientated n tried tae knob ma IV drip.