Emily Meyer

Barista by day, bartender by night, comedian whenever I trick someone into letting me onstage.

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

Today was the first time I had to go “I remember you when you were just a little baby!” Instead of the other way around and it was honestly very painful but I also couldn’t stop myself.

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

Why is it that my hair always looks the most killer the day before I’ve scheduled to get it cut?

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

Honestly still really mad that my high school wouldn’t let our senior prom theme be “I Can See Russia From My Prom”

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

Honestly surprised this morning while running late for work was the first time my phone fell out of my back pocket and into the toilet.

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

This gives me secondhand anxiety.

[Ken Jennings @KenJennings]

Finally got a free afternoon, time to answer some emails.

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

One v small good thing to come of the pandemic is that at least some of my stress eating went to my tits! Went up a whole cup size! Thanks Covid!

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

@matt_takes next time you’re in WA CAN WE HUG?!

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

@abbyreigns AMEN.

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

@bee_forreals TRULY

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

@itsashlyperez Sending good thoughts your way. ❤️❤️

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

This is exactly what I did today.

[Taco Time NW @TacoTimeNW]

It's a "turn the windshield wipers all the way up, drive slowly and eat tacos in the parking lot to the sound of the pouring rain" kind of evening 🌧️ Stay safe out there, Seattle!

[EchoInTheClouds @EchoClouds]

Deadliest days in American history:

1. Galveston Hurricane - 8,000
2. Antietam - 3,600
3. 9/11 - 2,977
4. Last Thursday - 2,861
5. Last Wednesday - 2,762
6. Last Tuesday - 2.461
7. Last Friday - 2,439
8. Pearl Harbor - 2,403

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

@bee_forreals Works been going well then I see?

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

@KFILE ❤️❤️❤️

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

Yesterday was so magical. I drank a bottle of wine to celebrate and I’m not hungover one single bit! #ThanksBiden

[JP @jpbrammer]

are we sure life is short

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

@mattclementsjr Are we gonna start a YouTube channel?!

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

I was talking to my therapist about how I don’t know what I want to do with my life and she suggested STARTING A YOUTUBE CHANNEL. FOR MONEY. Therapists in LA really do hit different.

[Emily Meyer @AuntMuffy]

Being high in your childhood home hits different.