Austin Thoughts

27, amateur philosopher, fast food enthusiast, future dunk champion of the world

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

bob the builder once said, “if at first you don’t succeed… try try again.” end quote

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

i’m gonna buy fake dog shit from petsmart and put it in someone’s pool

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

Do locks always work? Nope, sometimes they’re are unforeseen things that cause a lock to rarely not lock

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

does anyone know how long trump has been in office

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

i feel like coca cola still has coke in it

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

can’t believe the government built this using atomic bombs

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

they should make a cici’s that makes chinese pizzas. orange chicken pizza, teriyaki pizza, kung pao pizza. that sounds fire

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

this may be my favorite bar in the world

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

i’m gonna bet on every team to win the super bowl because then i can’t lose, i always win. it’s like if i talk to 32 girls at the bar and only get with 1, im still a winner

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

i imagine this is what mars would look like

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

i can’t remember a time i was wrong

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

there could be some dude there with a body count of 1000, and some dude with a body count of 1. and they’re in the same old person home. that’s crazy

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

i wonder what the average body count is at an old person home

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

@brennenksmith they call me leroyyyyy jenkinsssss

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

my goal when i play video games is to make little kids cry

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

wonder if they’ve ever fucked before

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

i’m tryna hit up the Brooklyn Mirage this weekend

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

do you ever think your cat/dog looks at you and thinks “i could do so much more with my life if i had your body”

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

crabs are ugly af

[Austin Thoughts @AustinThoughts]

when i call God, it goes to voicemail