Austin Simeonov

he/him
Black lives matter
Love is love 🌈
no human is illegal

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

People who send unsolicited dick pics should be registered as sex offenders

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

So apparently @SallyBeauty thinks it's okay to fire employees for supporting #BLM.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

Seeing women slut shame other women makes me wanna vomit I hate y'all so much.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

What's so funny to me is the same people protesting Bud light and saying things like "real men" are full grown adult makes who drink light beer.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

"Jordan still better" - some dude from Chicago

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

Saw the amount of delusion in this tweet and IMMEDIATELY knew this dumbass is a hard right dick rider. Clicked his profile... and it checked out

[Nick Adams @NickAdamsinUSA]

The Los Angeles Lakers lost to the Celtics because LeBron James is no longer able to compete at the NBA level.

This is not up for debate.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

I genuinely can't imagine having to live life without my foreskin.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

Sometimes I get really drunk and sing songs out loud but change the lyrics to be about my dog like I'll do "Dog in the sun" or whatever

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

F1 is not a sport and it's popularity is to me a complete and utter mystery.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

r/confessions is so funny to me because you'll get a post like "sometimes I fantasize about beating the shit out of my neighbor's annoying ass father in law" and the next post will literally be "I sometimes count how long I take to pee"

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

I have used the word "wife" about 700 times today

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

Bro this Croatian goalkeeper could've saved my parents marriage fr

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

DMV robot: why are you calling today?

Me: I need to register my car

DMV robot: so Im hearing you need information on driver's license application options?

Me: no

DMV robot: perfect, I'd be happy to explore driver's license application options with you.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

Alcohol is actually the greatest thing to ever exist besides my beautiful puppy Rose who is fucking PERFECT. I genuinely don't get why alcohol was banned 150 years ago fucking religious VIRGINS lmaoooo

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

Homophobic parents/aunts/uncles finally accepting gay people when their child comes out isn't cute or endearing. It's pathetic, self centered, and hypocritical.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

I genuinely can't understand the thought process where some people would rather see a baby born into poverty, starve for 3 years and die then watch a plan B pill be taken and prevent fertilization in the first place. If you want to "save kids lives" then go adopt one.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

Beer, Pixar, Pot, and Vegan Fish and Chips is the perfect way to spend a Wednesday at 4 am bruhhh

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

This fucking ugly obese old ass white bitch was saying a bunch of shit to Esther because I momentarily parked in his spot and I fucking swear he's lucky I was late for work or I would've stabbed his ignorant ass lmaoooo fucking worthless sack of moldy dog shit

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

People who comment "women ☕" on posts making fun of women are so fucking annoying and pathetic.

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

Dude my wedding is actually gonna be so fucking hype

[Austin Simeonov @Austin_simeonov]

So apparently I've spent like $1200 on the taco bell app since it came out but since I round up every order that means I've probably donated like $50 - $100 to the taco bell foundation by now which is pretty cool.