Patrick Star

I'm SpongeBob's best friend and neighbor. I am portrayed as fat, lazy, and generally ignorant and my intelligence is generally low.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

coming back to school from christmas break and realizing everyone has new clothes and haircuts and you still look like shit

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

Mirror: aw, you look cute today. - Camera: LOL, no.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

I crave pizza on average 469 times a day.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

How to Keep Him Happy - https://t.co/WxSou6cQ9k

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

I'm so clever that sometimes, even I can't figure out what I'm doing.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

Why the Single Life is the Best - https://t.co/kOHtPT4JIO

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they’re dead.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

There should be a Victoria's Secret for guys called Victor's Secret and Zac Efron should be an angel.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

Girls on Periods - I'm fine. I hate you. I love you. I want ice cream. Come here. Get away. You're cute. Fuck off. Fuck that. Fuck this.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

The internet is really good at finding attractive people who live far away.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

the only emotions that i’ve felt since i started school again have been tired and no

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

That awkward moment when you don't have any friends in your class and the teacher says, "Find a partner!"

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

I’m not playing hard to get. I’m playing ‘get the hell away from me, you’re gross’

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

we’re not really friends until i know your wifi password

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

it’s a shame how being nice seems to get you nowhere in life

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

Sorry your password must contain the entire alphabet, your left foot, a theme song to a television show, and the blood of your enemies..

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

Clapping the longest during the assembly because you're a fearless bastard.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

I used to be a people person... but people ruined it for me.

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

2013: Do you want me to pop a cap in yo ass!? 1800: Does thou beggth me to lodge a musket pellet in thine arse?

[Patrick Star @AwesomePatrickS]

Wait, hold that thought..... because I don't give a shit.