The Awkward Reporter

You can't red-pen life.
Sometimes journalism gets weird.
Just get your camera and record it.

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

So do I just send my Spotify Wrapped directly to my therapist, or….?

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

I know some of you had today off but for me it was the Monday to end all Mondays so I’m suspending my “don’t drink on weekdays” policy until further notice

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I worked 35 HOURS A WEEK during college (making slightly above minimum wage), plus a paid internship & getting as many scholarships as I could thanks to good grades/doing all the clubs/etc, and I STILL have massive student debt

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

Told someone I wasn’t going to get on this app today, but of course that lasted exactly 27 minutes.

I wish I had listened to myself.

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

Everyone talks about making phone calls being the worst but I think what is *actually* the worst is ending them.

“Well, thank you for your time and…”
“Yeah, but another thing…”
~5 minutes pass~
“Great well I think we are in a good place so…have a good afternoon…”

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

@CassieFambro I met Dempsey one time...he’s kind of like that in real life…or at least he was to me.

I totally get that celebrities get tired of the constant attention, but it was a large event so the animosity toward the press felt uncalled for 🤷🏻‍♀️

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

“Oh you know, hanging in there” - Not doing great

“It’s been a week…” - Bad

“I’m….ok” - Very bad

“Fine *fake smile*” - Cancel this meeting and tell everyone go home immediately and I’ll give you all the money in my bank account.

2/2

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

A guide to responses to being asked “How are you?” in a work setting:

“Can’t complain!” - It’s Friday and I’m excited to sleep soon
“Oh you know, it’s Friday!” - I have wine chilling in the fridge and am counting the minutes
“I’m doing pretty well.” - Hanging on by a thread

1/2

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

If I started a weekly newsletter/almost game-like-thing where I made a list of major news stories represented by only by gifs and crossword-puzzle-style hints would anyone subscribe?

Alternatively if this already exists and someone can send me a link that would be neat

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

The walls in my apartment are really thin and sometimes I can hear my neighbor’s Teams notifications.

Reader, I have not known peace in months because I think they are my notifications even late at night.

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

I work from home and still forgot to eat lunch today

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

Eating a snack before responding to rude/condescending emails from corporate communications people so my response is more *professional*

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

I thought I was doing OK until I discovered I’m the only one on my work team who has been trapped on berries and cream TikTok and I’ve never felt more alone

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

*Opens article about workplace stress*

“The media really…”

*Closes tab*

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

Went to the doctor for chronic stomach aches.
He asked if my job has been particularly stressful of late…

[Brandon Marino @TheBatMarino]

From a gymnast friend regarding Simone Biles 🐐❤️

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

I love my partner but the first time I’m out of town post-marriage one of our fish just *disappears* and honestly I’m just trying not to go full Gone Girl

[The Awkward Reporter @AwkwardReporter]

@MerriamWebster are you ok?

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

Hello! Today's #WordOfTheDay is 'desolate' https://t.co/4szK5czdpm