I went to In-N-Out and ordered a cheeseburger. The cashier, a calm young woman named Destiny, asked me a question I did not expect.
"You want that Animal Style?"
I paused.
I did not know what this meant. But a samurai does not admit he does not know. So I answered with weight.
"...Animal Style."
"Cool. So that's mustard-grilled, extra spread, grilled onions, pickles. Yeah?"
I understood now. This was a sacred permission. For one meal, I was being told to put down my manners at the door. To eat the way a beast eats, without shame. I had waited my whole life for someone to give me this order.
"Yes," I said. "I will become the animal."
Destiny did not blink. "...Okay. You want your fries Animal Style too?"
I stopped. Even the potatoes?
"The potatoes also become animals?"
"I mean, they get cheese and sauce and grilled onions, so..."
"Then yes. Let the potatoes abandon their restraint as well."
"...Got it." She was the calmest woman I have ever met. "3x3, 4x4, or just the one?"
I did not know these numbers, but I knew a challenge when I heard one. "How many must I face?"
"It's, like, how many patties you want."
"How many is the most honorable?"
"...Four is a lot."
"Then four. A warrior does not ask for fewer."
She wrote it down without argument. A 4x4, Animal Style, with animal fries. She warned me once, kindly. "That's gonna be huge." I told her I was counting on it.
It arrived. It was a tower. Cheese and sauce ran down my hands the moment I lifted it. There was no clean way to eat it. There was no dignified way. That was the entire point.
I ate it like a beast. Both hands, no honor, grilled onion on my chin, and I have to be honest with you, it was the best thing I have ever put in my mouth.
For thirty years I have kept my manners at every table in the world.
They handed me a burger and told me to be an animal, and I have never felt so free.
So tell me, America.
The whole country knows the secret menu. What else are you hiding in plain sight?
And "Animal Style." Was I eating the animal, or finally becoming one?
@ItsLizz21@beyoncegarden I always try to act stupid when talking to someone who’s clearly doing something fucking stupid. Every state has privacy laws and the press doesn’t have free rein to your personal space or your businesses space. You need a press release for a reason, in fact he needs one.
@chachaluvhozier@viiisnthere makes you straight. Hope that helps! And it’s frustrating because it’s such a patriarchal brainwashing, like I know you’re only orgasming maybe 20% of the time sis. If you are only attached to the idea or image of being with a woman that’s not enough to be gay.
@chachaluvhozier@viiisnthere As a bisexual we don’t claim her. And go the people in the comments that agree with her, not liking vagina means you aren’t bisexual by definition. She can complain about how hard it is to find a girl but finish it impossible to be with someone based on their same sex genitals-
Anti-woke people often like to claim shows that "indoctrinate kids" only happened after 2014 but my generation grew up being taught even if you're not a violent imperialist, destroying the culture of a group that was nearly wiped out is still horrible to do.
Then there's this:
@PatriotOne31@CaliWebb30@bussypounder999 Some people are into that? And we shouldn’t judge? You know that for some women all penetration is painful (vaginismus)
@CaliWebb30@bussypounder999 the out of touchness is insane, how are these not horny things? Because they don’t appeal to your vanilla ass? I’ve done a lot of these with a partner, if you’re male and don’t have people do anything with your butt you’re missing out.
@TreyWinsWill@bussypounder999 Apparently she’s correct. ALSO how do you not see this as similar to men being obsessed with using every hole that a woman has specifically for their pleasure.
@Mlu__N2 What pisses me pff is she still thinks that her stance HELPS women. Helping out men so that they don’t get in trouble for this shit is how we end up with so much in the first place.
@JEscobalM@IRanMediaco So what’s the plan here? Just wipe Iran off the planet for fighting us a few times in skirmishes we started? You can go by yourself - have fun. We’re a bit sick of being in wars for 20+ years
@Mr__Viking@RickyMaag@golub You’re just a troll, you’re just going to be detached and play stupid games online, talking about stances and ideas you don’t even hold yourself. Do you even stand for anything, troll?