B. Gates

I've bowled a 300 game. People should know.
Take Nothing for Granted. It’s Great to be Alive.

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

Jamiroqui is the hat. You're thinking of Jamiroquai's monster.

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

30 Rock is the greatest show ever because it birthed the phrase "Live every week like it's Shark Week"

[c ☆ @tintafey]

30 Rock is the greatest show ever specifically because of werewolf bar mitzvah

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

Are people out here actually getting fucked up on 2mg?

[CANARY @dustyf1n1sh]

they should sell a 30 rack of 2mg THC seltzers but it also has a small amount of caffeine so you can go ape shitt

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

@WillSommers2 There's a Kansas City in Missouri. There's no Chicago in Indiana. Hope this helps. Also, don't iron your clothes while you're wearing them.

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

@DragonflyJonez I'll never forget reading his Rolling Stone interview and immediately thinking he was a massive tool. Something about him and his friends all pretending they were in Entourage is just so corny. Can't imagine he'll be overly charismatic on a broadcast.

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

Went in to pay for my golf round last night and was blown away by the merch this course has. Might have to cop a bucket hat.

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

The Bears are so damn embarrassing

[ESPN @espn]

Breaking: The Bears’ Board of Directors voted Thursday to advance the stadium development in Hammond, Indiana.

“There is more work to do, but barring anything very strange, it’s a done deal,” one source told @AdamSchefter.

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

I lost so many golf balls tonight

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

@Quesly2 Overrated as a boys name. Bold for a girl.

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

Is the name Rex short for anything?

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

@evropauberalles Godawful pour there, mate.

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

God forbid a man writes a song about fashion

[gatherer biden @cantsmokehere]

the line “i want a girl with a short skirt and a looooong…. jacket” reads like it’s trying to set up for an innuendo that it then subverts, but i can’t think of any sexual feature of a woman that could sub in for “jacket”, unless the guys from cake are way cooler than i thought

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

I was just thinking about this scene: Why is Macy Gray there?

[coffee @eventualforever]

nothing in Scary Movie 2026 is as funny as this

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

People point out how funny The Sopranos is all the time. First time on the Internet type tweet right here

[scott pianowski @scott_pianowski]

I don't think The Sopranos gets full credit for being ridiculously funny. AJ's birthday present for his Mom -- The Matrix. Tony chastises Chrissy for being late, so Chrissy says "Highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive."

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

@KineticSKATE I'm afraid you absolutely went off with the Kodak tee

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

Went on a date with a girl last year and she said it was her first after her divorce and made it sound like a big deal. Fast forward to me shooting my shot to reconnect and she doesn't remember me at all 💀 if anything that's on me for not being more memorable

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

This guy was lying about his girlfriend to a teenager 💀

[Yaz Minsky @Yaz_Minsky]

these were all from last year

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

Fun fact: an Urgent Care is not an emergency room. Also, free standing ERs are not urgent cares.

[Jimmy Traina @JimmyTraina]

Walked into urgent care. First thing they asked is if I have an appointment. Isn’t that literally the complete opposite of the point of urgent care?

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

These are the kinds of dates I have and then the girl doesn't want to see me again

[“Bad” Billy Pratt @KILLTOPARTY]

I love them

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

Also the spicy mustard thing went on for a good bit

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

I know it’s become pretty cliche and cringey to talk about at this point but if you’re under like 25 I cannot stress enough how one time Obama wore a tan suit and people spent a week arguing over whether or not it was demeaning to the Oval Office and they were serious about it.

[B. Gates @BGatesTweeeets]

I worked in the ER and did inpatient Medicaid for a combined 6 years. I've never met a homeless person who benefits from the term "unhoused" and most would look at you funny if you called them that. It's a purely performative part of woke that I don't subscribe to.

[@MysterySolvent @MysterySolvents]

Why is saying unhoused better than saying homeless? Who decided that saying homeless is no longer acceptable?