🪻💐Good boy, Gabor!💐🪻

Love my family. Proud farmer. Owned by Puli & English Toy Spaniels.

[Jonathan Slater @slater57649]

Every once in a while, I need to bring this out again

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

My wife and I finally got an offer accepted on a house and hired a home inspector.

I thought he'd just walk around and make sure the roof wasn't actively caving in.

Instead, a guy named Gary showed up with a tactical utility belt, an infrared camera, and the demeanor of a homicide detective.

Gary spent 6 hours meticulously documenting every structural sin committed in the last 50 years.

He handed me a 90-page PDF report that was color-coded by severity.

The whole document was basically just red.

He noted that the slope of the driveway deviates by two degrees, which could cause pooling during a catastrophic hundred-year flood.

I live in a landlocked state.

He pointed his thermal camera at a window and told me I was losing an unacceptable amount of ambient heat.

I told him the window was open.

He wrote that down as a critical mechanical failure.

He took me to the basement to look at the HVAC unit.

He shined his flashlight on a single speck of dust and asked if I was prepared for the respiratory consequences of poor filtration.

I asked him if the furnace actually worked.

He sighed deeply and said it functions, but it lacks the efficiency of a modern heat pump.

We moved to the electrical panel where Gary put on thick rubber gloves like he was about to defuse a bomb.

He told me the wiring was technically up to code but ethically questionable.

I don't know how electricity can lack morals, but Gary seemed very disappointed in the circuit breaker.

Finally, he found a tiny crack in the garage floor.

He used a digital caliper to measure it and informed me the foundation is undergoing micro-settlement.

Every house on earth is undergoing micro-settlement.

We're on a spinning rock in space, Gary.

I asked him for a bottom-line assessment on whether we should buy the property.

He looked me dead in the eye and said the house is technically habitable but still compromised.

I paid him $600 for this psychological warfare.

We're still going to buy the house.

I'm just going to live in constant fear that maybe Gary was right.

[🪻💐Good boy, Gabor!💐🪻 @BIScords]

@SpencerHakimian Again

[🪻💐Good boy, Gabor!💐🪻 @BIScords]

@ADRWC Stop using harnesses and retractable leashes. Stupid.

[Charlotte Clymer 🇺🇦 @cmclymer]

As a kid who grew up on food stamps and free lunch programs, gotta say: some of you are sociopaths for believing kids from poor families shouldn't have access to nice experiences. It's bizarre. Do you'll actually listen when you attend church or just pretend to care about Christ?

[Canada Hates Trump @AntiTrumpCanada]

WARNING: This may be the least flattering photo of Trump ever taken.

Fuckface would absolutely HATE seeing this spread across timelines.
So whatever you do… DO NOT RETWEET! Don’t share it.

Let’s all be mature adults and make sure that doesn’t happen.

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

Therapist: any history of mental illness in your family?

Me: I have an aunt who voted for Trump 3 times.

[Christina Zurick @ChristinaZurick]

Good job buddy 😭❤️👏🏼

[Claiborne Farm @claibornefarm]

She raised a Kentucky Derby winner. Well done, Carrumba ❤️🖤💚

[Gina Darling @MissGinaDarling]

Calling it “the jab”

[Middle Age Riot @middleageriot]

Next time, if you want to fool anybody other than your idiot supporters, move the clouds.

[🪻💐Good boy, Gabor!💐🪻 @BIScords]

@kid_riles Sshhhh don’t summon it

[LanaQuest aka RosaSparks @LqLana]

I thought watching Obama and Mamdani sing Wheels on the Bus with the kiddies was the video of the day.

But…

Watching the Oklahoma Principal who while shot tackled and held down a gunman who had entered the school be crowned prom King is 🔥 - who is crying?

#DemsUnited

[TheRealThelmaJohnson @TheRealThelmaJ1]

Only three things in life are certain: death, taxes and Donald Trump claiming the Strait of Hormuz is open again at 8:30 before the stock market opens.

[Javo Sanfeliú @Sanfeliu]

Este saco de caca cazó a un aguilucho de cola rojiza y se tomó una foto. Lo que no sabe es que las aves rapaces están protegidas por la ley 19.473 y hay multa y cárcel por andar haciendo peor al mundo.
Difunde. Comparte. Hay que cazar al cazador. Se lo ganó.

[Diana Alastair💚🤍💜 ⚢ ❌❌✡️ @sappholives83]

Even statues of women get sexually assaulted. I am so tired of this kind of man. Ew s

[🪻💐Good boy, Gabor!💐🪻 @BIScords]

@StevenCheung47

[🪻💐Good boy, Gabor!💐🪻 @BIScords]

@eternaltxts Babies go in easier than they come out.

[🪻💐Good boy, Gabor!💐🪻 @BIScords]

@MarcMencha98 Lyme not Lymes

[Meredith @Mere_Constant]

Will someone please show Jonathan the tortoise holding up a newspaper with today’s date, I can’t take much more of this