bryce

melancholia | libera anima vesta

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

I love you

a short thread:

(for we who abuse these words)

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

Death has found me dead. A hollow, empty shell.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

how many times must I ask God to save my broken heart? how much prayers should I call out at night to heal my weary spirit?

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

i miss my brothers

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

it's hard to have mundane moments with others when all your mind can think about is ending it all

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

love has always been unfair, but so is life, I just dont care anymore.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

my father always had a deep sorrow in his eyes. i always hated seeing them staring back at me whenever i looked into the mirror.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

I hope there is more than just sadness to me. Something more, hidden between the cracks and folds of my fragmented soul. Let the thought of hope warm my empty body.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

My emotions have consumed me. Sorrow is a drug I've been addicted to, a feeling Im too familiar with. I yearn for love and happiness, but loneliness and desperation have been the strongest emotions I've ever known, so my mind tells me it is my destiny. It has filled me to my core

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

all i know is loss

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

after it's been all said and done, deep down inside, i really just wanted to be loved.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

I have loved deeply, and I have been loved dearly. Yet why does the sadness never go away? Why does the loneliness stay? Was I ever in love?

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

Aint no rest for the wicked
Aint no sleep for the damned
Aint no peace for the lost

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

when i was 14, i thought i wouldnt live long enough to see 20. i'm almost 24 now, and i was right. something died inside a long time ago. the soul is gone and the body empty.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

pity the fool who believed in love

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

some nights, i always thought i should just get up and leave. go somewhere. somewhere far away. just leave and start over. but i was always scared. i was scared that no matter where i went, i wouldn't belong anywhere.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

i felt like a ghost in my own home.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

Perhaps this is the punishment meted out for a boy who could not understand others, for trust and kinship are lost to him in the same way the love of the village was never his to be felt.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

what do I do with all this guilt. will i always have to make myself small.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

The days, the minutes, the seconds are lost on me. I don't even know if I'm still breathing. All I know is it just hurts to continue living. But I still need to do it.

[bryce @BLTHTCK]

i'm scared of dying.
but i'm ashamed of living, too.