Drunken Baby

I shit you not, the airplane was heading straight for my mouth...

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

The bitch wouldn't let me suck her tits so I pissed on her when she was changing my diaper

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

I'm shy at first, but once I'm comfortable with you, get ready for some crazy shit.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

F%CK!!! Just flipped my tricycle...Don't drink and ride.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

How did Dexter's parents NOT know about his secret Lab? That electric bill had to be higher than Wiz Khalifa!

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

Dinosaurs are lies told to us to cover up the existence of Pokemon.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

Rub a dub dub. Took a shit in the tub.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

Say I says, I says, Sorry, I don't speak cuntanese.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

I swear, this fucker would say "Peekaboo!", then just disappear!

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I m sober. Sober people when I m drunk.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

Volleyball = A more intense version of don't let the balloon hit the floor.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

So I look around and the daycare and the place is literally crawling with chicks.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

So then she sticks the thermometer up there! I'm telling you, this girl was a freak.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

That gangsta feeling when you rap your favorite song without messing up.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

For all of those that think alcohol is a problem... according to Chemistry: Alcohol is a solution. Thanks science!

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

Fuck people who lock their Wi-Fi.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

So I was sucking on her tits then her husband walks in and I just shit myself.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

As a boyfriend, you shouldn't allow NOBODY to disrespect your girl & if you okay with that, YOU AINT SHIT.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

Congrats on being one of the "cool kids" in school. Too bad about the rest of your life though.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

Listen, I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk, we go to parties.

[Drunken Baby @BabyHangover]

Okay, but just one more beer. I have to be up at 3 a.m. tomorrow to wake my parents up.