Bad Dad Han Solo

I can run from parental responsibilities in less than 12 parsecs

[Bad Dad Han Solo @BadDadHanSolo]

Your name is BEN. We named the dog "Kylo"

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

I don’t know Oliver Tree but I sure saw all of her bush

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

Why do people always say “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” after a break up? I’m not trying to fuck a fish

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

The way I react to a friend asking me out for drinks is the same way my dog reacts when I ask him if he wants to go for a walk

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

when can Microsoft edge be allowed to Microsoft cum?

[Bad Dad Han Solo @BadDadHanSolo]

@PokemonGoApp No one plays your game anymore because spoofers have ruined it. Start banning then and you’ll have people playing it again

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

When someone says "eww!! what is that smell?" but my 72hr deodorant still has 7 minutes left so I know it isn't me

[LinxGT @Linxgt]

I’m scared of Facebook marketplace

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

Why does the new Harry Potter look like a lesbian cosplaying Harry Potter?

[Bad Dad Han Solo @BadDadHanSolo]

Vegas has sent a trade offer to Toronto for Morgan Rielly. They’re offering to trade Mitch Marner 1 for 1.

[Bad Dad Han Solo @BadDadHanSolo]

Sources have told me that Brady Tkachuk is not upset about Auston Matthews being named captain of team USA. He is apparently under the impression that his brother is the captain because he can't tell the difference between the letters C and A

[Bad Dad Han Solo @BadDadHanSolo]

Vegas needs to trade Marner. Overpaid and doesn’t produce. Send him back to Toronto.

[Emo Kylo Ren @EmoKylo]

If you are Canadian and need to borrow a small amount of money without interest or fees try Nyble. If you use my referral code you can also help me too! It’s safe and secure with no credit checks. https://t.co/eaVTfcLhQV

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

I don’t run from my demons. I cum in them.

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

@soychotic She’s replicating grilled cheeses at night

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

Feel the rain on your dick or whatever Natasha Bedingfield said

[Funny Introvert @NotTokenBlack]

Gas prices are like women in long term relationships. They only go down long enough to make you happy then they come right back up.

[Bad Dad Han Solo @BadDadHanSolo]

https://t.co/0N1VXkkgf1

Sign up for Bree if you are Canadian and need extra cash for the holidays. You’ll get a welcome bonus with my link.

[Bad Dad Han Solo @BadDadHanSolo]

Pete Davidson collecting women like he’s Thanos chasing infinity stones

[IT’S TIME FOR JUSTICE @LiddleSavages]

#BREAKING: WNBA game was stopped after another dildo was thrown onto the court.

[Ben Dover @BenDoverNY42069]

Nobody at this WNBA game knows I have a green dildo up my ass right now