Bad Grandpa

I'm old and I'm the shit.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

Imagine how short church would be if Busta Rhymes was the preacher.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

I got 99 new emojis but the middle finger aint one.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

My teacher asked me, "What is the definition of trust?" Well apparently "letting a cannibal give you a blow job" was not the answer

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

Why I walk funny: 10% I'm injured 90% Trying to unstick my balls from my leg.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film..

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

Obama probably called Romney and said "I don't see how you can hate from outside the White House, you can't even get in. Hahaha, leggo!"

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, someone is gonna have Snooki as their mom.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

"I wasn't that drunk" Dude, you ran up to a tree yelling, "Look how big this piece of broccoli is!"

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

I laugh during inapropriate situations.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

Retweet if you're a 90's kid WITHOUT a baby!

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

I will ignore you so hard, you will start to doubt your own existence.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

Dear girls who take a pic in slutty clothing & glasses & label the caption "nerddd lol" You're not a nerd, you're a whore who found glasses.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you've been doing since you were 15..

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. Hes a ginger so I punched him in the face and stole his lunch money

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

You never realize how weird your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

In awkward situations, we all pretend to text.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

My sister heared me singing in the shower and she said "SHUT UP" I said, "I don't see why you hatin outside the tub.. You cant even get in!"

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

Before I play soccor I like to listen to the song No Hands by Waka Flocka so I can remember the rules.

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

5 Days Of School, 2 Days Of Weekend, 10 Months For School, 2 Months For Summer. Who The Fuck Divided This Shit?

[Bad Grandpa @BadGrandpaaa]

That awkward moment when you buy a bag of air and there are chips inside.