#QuotableLyric
‘There's a long hard road ahead
But a voice inside me said
"You know there's something that you need to know
It's gonna be alright
Said there's something that you need to know
It's gonna be alright"’
I won't end this year pretending everything was fine. I lost a piece of myself this year that I will never get back, and I'm not forcing a smile as if it didn't change me. So no, I won't be saying “2026 is going to be my year”. I'll be praying that I recover next year, that my heart never has to break like this again, that I never have to survive something like this again. I'll be hoping for peace. Real peace, the kind that lets me breathe without fighting for it. I deserve a year that doesn't hurt.
Hot take, and this one is for my close friends.
I know some of you haven’t forgotten that I lost my dad. But I also feel like, after a while, people forget to remember. The check-ins reduce. The awareness fades. Life moves on for everyone else, which is fair tbh. It’s not a personal thing so that’s normal.
But whe I decline invites and people ask, “Why aren’t you coming? What happened?” I’m always a bit stunned. Like… take a wild guess? Everything is still fresh. I lost a parent. Someone actually died in my life this year.
It may not feel that deep to you, but it is to me.
Sometimes I’m just not in the mood. Sometimes I don’t have the capacity. And yes, in an ideal world, you’d still be checking in, because grief doesn’t expire (mine isn’t even up to 8 months). 💀
And when people say things like, “You carry grief well,” I honestly don’t know what that means. How exactly am I supposed to carry it? Loudly? Quietly? Performatively?
Just because I’m not always talking about it or posting about it doesn’t mean it’s not heavy. This wasn’t a random loss. This was my dad. A parent. My person.
So, yeah. 🫠