Balut

[Balut @Balut]

When a woman wants sex only in the missionary position, flip her over and see if she's hiding scoliosis.

[Balut @Balut]

@CraigKaraz I got one. The chicken was dry and the bottom of the bun was hard.

[Balut @Balut]

When I was young, all bar bands sounded good.

[Balut @Balut]

I have no vertical comfort zone.

[Balut @Balut]

@RichFeinberg1 @RapidResponse47 I hope Kai gets ostracized in college until she renounces her grandpa.

[Balut @Balut]

Menopause made a man out of her.

[Balut @Balut]

Nothing makes boring people feel more important than a job where they get to talk over the intercom.

[Balut @Balut]

What sucks about plant-based diets is that you need the discipline and decisiveness to eat something before it quickly rots.

[Balut @Balut]

Bring back "Don't bury the lede."

[Balut @Balut]

Introverts are reincarnated as trees.

[Balut @Balut]

One reason I think old people end up wearing Depends is that they’re not working and can piss anytime they want. They no longer have to hold their urine , so their urinary sphincter gets out-of-shape.

[Balut @Balut]

I used to know someone with that name, but I forget what they looked like or anything else about them.

[Balut @Balut]

Were I to do college over, I'd do it with frontal lobes.

[Balut @Balut]

God I hate it when snot drips on my Moleskine.

[Balut @Balut]

Walmart now sells sex toys. Bad idea. Someone's going to take the vibrating butt plug to the dressing room, try it out, decide they don't want it, then leave in the produce section.

[Balut @Balut]

Cinco de Mayo wasn't the same this year after Trump renamed it Fifth of May.

[Balut @Balut]

When you travel back in time, remind people to only buy induction-compatible pots and pans.

[Balut @Balut]

I'm having a tartar sauce quesadilla and cold can of butter beans kind of day.

[Balut @Balut]

@RichFeinberg1 Speaking of pet projects, maybe Trump could get his likeness on an Avon bottle.

[Balut @Balut]

Is Trump Derangement Syndrome merely shorthand for an IQ over 70?