The Bard’s Lost Crown

A Broken Cask actual play.

The Bard's Lost Crown is a ramshackle tavern on the edge of town, and now, it's mine to run. I should have stayed an adventurer...

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

Greetings! I am Autumo, your humble innkeeper. (Trust me, this place will keep you humble!) I'm chronicling my journey in bringing my new pub to glory. Each post has an index to help you read everything in order. [1.3b] means Session 1, Event 3, Part b.

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

Your mission is to find the hidden icons in this trailer for a chance to win $500 in tix from #AtomTickets, then go see #MissionImpossible Dead Reckoning Part One in theaters on July 12! @atomtickets @MissionFilm #TMobileTuesdays https://t.co/WAGdZwa0QY via @useek_official

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[1.0d] Market was out of herbs, but Doro did bring home a satyr named Xenia. I don’t think Doro can help himself. I told her she could stay as long as she doesn’t keep Doro from doing his job. She seemed very grateful. She keeps gawking at me, tho... #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[1.0c] You know what would help? Seasoning for our food. I can cook, but if it tastes bland, people don’t want to eat it. (Don’t look at me like that, I’m an adventurer, not a cook.) Doro volunteered to “go pick some herbs up at the market.” We’ll see… #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[1.0b] The rest of the alcohol shipment arrived, just in time. Usi came in bright and early. Do her parents ever not glare? Doro shuffled from his room in nothing but a loose-fitting silk robe. Usi’s parents didn’t look happy… #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[1.0a] The grand opening is tomorrow morning. I am a combination of excited and terrified. What could possibly go wrong? Other than a bottomless pit in the cellar, a horndog minstrel, and a naive half-orc bartender that you’re allergic to? #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3n] I stopped by the chemist that sold me the potion. Turns out, I didn’t just have a remedy for orc allergies. I had an ogre aphrodisiac. And I was taking 10 times the suggested dose. I made sure he gave me the right potion going forward. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3m] Okay, am I in the middle of some city-wide prank? On my way back from Usi’s parents’ every ogre female I pass has been hitting on me. This is going past awkward and is heading straight into embarrassing. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3l] Usi is a very excitable girl. She literally jumped for joy at getting the job. Gave me a huge hug, too. Then let go, blushing. I say she’s a happy girl. Her parents, on the other hand, gave me a very disapproving glare. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3k] Sweet daughter of Atos, god of all things beautiful and sacred! Hours later it’s still soooo good! Better than I remember! Despite my protests, Doro is calling it “The Raspberry!” It seems to have caught on. #givemetheraspberry #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3j] Sweet daughter of Atos, god of all things beautiful and sacred! The girl can mix! A raspberry ice wine with paradox slices and ginger.

Wait. I’m on medication. I might not be tasting this right. Let me try it again after the potion wears off. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3i] Potion might not be the right dose. I’m hallucinating. There is a humanoid spider outside playing the capital’s anthem on a wind bladder with more pipes than I can count.

Nevermind, not hallucinating. Usi just asked him to stop. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3h] I’m not sneezing around Usi, so potion is good. Gross, but good. The drink shipment was incomplete, so I barely have anything for Usi to use to show her skills. I offer for her to come back, but she insists it will work. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3g] Doro is taking the day off today. I... insisted.

I’m feeling much better. I think the potion is working. Tastes like licorice and shoe polish. Boiled in troll piss. Strained through a lich’s undergarments.

What do you know, the potion label confirms. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3f] By the way, if there are any fine nymphs out there, stop by The Bard sometime. Maybe we can look for that lost crown together. #ifyouknowwhatimean #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3e] Ded yaou kngow yaou cud be allarchik to orcs? I deddent. I do nao. I goa slep nao.

‘Allo folks. Doro here. Autumo stopped at the apothecary and picked up a potion and has been ordered to sleep. He’ll be fine in the morning. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3d] Whoa. I'm suddenly not feeling great. Did one of the rejected applicants put a curse on me? Or could it have been the sandwich from a food cart called "Goblin' It Up"? Time to hit up the healer... #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3c] You wouldn’t think that a half orc could be adorable, but Usi was the sweetest applicant we’ve had! It’s the eyes, so bright and smiling. Some experience behind the bar, so she is coming back in the morning when our drinks are delivered. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3b] Doro is hereby off office duties. Nine nymphs, not old enough to drink, and no bartending experience are somehow all on my payroll. Now, it’s my responsibility to explain to them why they don’t have the job. Doro can hand out coupons for the evening. #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.3a] Doro has taken over some of the office duties as we interview for a bartender. Good, because I haven’t had time to secure an alcohol order, never mind sort through applications. He is a godsend! #brokencask

[The Bard’s Lost Crown @BardsLostCrown]

[0.2f] “No, Doro. You get the one bed that I supplied. If you want a bigger bed, you will have to buy it yourself. No, I can’t repair it if you break it. Of course, you already broke it. You’re lucky you’re good at your job.” #brokencask