Breauken1

Owner of an over-active imagination. Infamous Writer of Wrongs.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

Dallas Green = City & Colour
John Denver = Toilet & City
Mark Twain = Poser & 3 yo opening up a present on Xmas morning.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

@WRAofBC

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

False Creek #wraofbc

[Tami Cru @TamiCru]

genie: please no
millipede: more legs

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

What I've learned while being single:

-If u smile at a cute girl and she looks away/doesn't seem interested, it's because she has to poop.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

*Million Dollar Idea*

A black box, but for hangovers.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

[Gets approached at the bar]

Woman: Why are you wearing Hockey skates?
Me: OMG RIGHT, MY FEET ARE KILLING ME!

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

[Gingerly gets into Cryogenic Chamber wearing only shear white boxers]

"Wake me when I can play Mario Kart for real"

[Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott]

[first date]

HER: So, I hear you're a dog person-

ME: [tucking my tail between my legs] WHO TOLD YOU

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

It's less frustrating watching an old person parallel park if you pretend their vehicle is an oil tanker and the curb is the dock.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

What's the date that the Statue of Liberty is moving to Canada again?

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

The only thing as addictive as Heroine is saying "You betcha" in an office environment.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

"NO, FUCK YOU!"

Cops, when NWA comes on the radio.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

"I met this wild homeless chick, she wants me to meet her behind the shed in the alley behind our house & do butt stuff!"

-My dog (probs)

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

I just want to remind everyone that people were proudly walking around with Man Bun's in 2016.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

Just saw a Street Person in Green Velvet pants being interrogated by what could only be the Fashion Police.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

Just once I wanna be at the club and have the Full House theme song come on.

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

*Shows up to date on magic carpet covered in cat hair*

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

Coming Soon in 2017:

Hitman: Agent 2016

[Breauken1 @BarryBeau]

If you don't believe people can change just take a look at Jon Gruden, he used to be Chucky and now he's a Rainbow. #MNF