Barry Wittman

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Hatman! A more positive superhero for a troubled time.
#FarsiFriday #Farsi #حتماً #فارسی

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Today only: enter to win #10queries feedback from a professional editor! #RevPit #writers #amquerying #WritingCommunity

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Le Creuset enthusiast John is a Dutch oven fan.
Amsterdam baker Matthijs is a Dutch oven fan.
ATAG part number 400125 is a Dutch oven fan.

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Terrified man asks for a restraining order against @GloriaEstefan after her repeated threats that the rhythm is going to get him...tonight. #TakeSomeAction #CantControlHimselfAnyLonger

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Actress @MarySteenburgen chosen to be the face of a mangosteen marketing campaign filled with awful puns. #SteenButNotHeard #PuttingTheSteenInMango

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

A well regulated Shingami, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Death Notes, shall not be infringed. #NamesDontKillPeople

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

As 80s surfer dude becomes more and more excited about Islam, he gets right up to the point of describing it as "radical" before thinking better of it. #AwesomeGod

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Lagomorphologist warns her students about the danger of going down the rabbit hole rabbit hole. #TheHoleTruth

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Lexicographer at @MerriamWebster troubled by award speech in which recipient is both honored and humbled. #ThanksButNoThanks #Ambivacceptance #OscarMoron

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Cat lover @BillClinton admits to secret desire to retire from public life and open a cat chiropractic clinic called Felignment. #CatOutOfTheBag #CrookedCats #PawsAndRelax

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Privacy experts recommend random tweets to confuse algorithms, but will liberal babies hijack an AR-15 to regulate airport gravy recipes? #GAMA #TwoMe #NostrilSport

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

The punchline is a Nigerian acapella group called Vocal Haram, but what's the joke? #ThugsInHarmony #SingLikeYourLifeDependsOnIt #PerfectHaramony

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Electorate responds hesitantly to congressional candidate's reasonable slogan, "America Seventh!" #TopTen #Lucky7

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Scores are injured as literal-minded rebel drives on the driveway and parks on the parkway. #RebelWithoutACauseway #ParkPlace

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

According to a new @Gallup Poll, Okies from Muskogee no longer outnumber evangelists from Los Angeles. #DemographyIsDestiny #HaggardTruths

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Sources allege that victims of the recent eggplant massacre are actually actors hired by the powerful eggplant control lobby. #EggplantPlants #OhNoBergine

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

For the 37th year in a row, the winner of the Humblest Person Award refuses to accept it. #DazzlingHumility #ModestToAFault #HumblerThanThou #SultansOfSelfAbnegation

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

In these turbulent times, we must focus on the important questions, namely, "Is that a black sesame seed or a tick?"

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Möbius strip criticized for being one-sided by Klein bottle journalist claiming to cover the story inside and out. #LetMeEscherYou #EineKleineBottle

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Manic pixie dream girl falls in love with nightmare idle slob boy. What will her parents think? #GuessWhosComingToDinner #OppositesAttract

[Barry Wittman @BarryWittman]

Classical Greek and Latin scholars argue over the true meaning of "Christmas." #OintmentFestival #PuttingΧριστόςBackInChristmas