Barton Aikman

Writer. Co-creator @SurfaceDwellers. ✍🏼: @apexmag, @augurmag, @SouthwestReview, etc. @ClarionUCSD '19. @CalArts MFA. @sfwa

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

Start your weekend off right with another great assortment of stories from @dark_matter_mag. Among them is my story “Universal Friend” about a facility growing human organs in pigs and an animal rights activist determined to set them free. Hope you like it!

[Dark Matter Magazine @dark_matter_mag]

Issue 011 is here! Print copies will ship next week after #Chicon8. Meanwhile, the Chicago Variant Edition is a convention exclusive! Visit us at Chicon Booth 2 to snag a very limited edition copy. Digital Editions are available now. #DarkMatter

Shop: https://t.co/dRDOR0R8rg

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

@lalavin666 I’d end up confessing that a top moviegoing moment of my youth was the day I ate shit on my longboard then got super baked and went to the midnight showing of the dark knight. He would simply respond hmm.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

Sure I liked The Odyssey more than I expected but Nolan is still in my nightmare blunt rotation.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

@karterAKA I’d use nothing but employees of Lindsay Lohan’s Mykonos beach club. Let’s give em their big break.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

Mexico vs. England, or the Battle for Morrissey.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

@lalavin666 lol don’t worry writing from the void can be done. We can transcribe it via ouija board or possess someone.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

Just finished this book and it’s the best thing I’ve read all year. Buy it while kicking over a delivery bot named Courtney or whatever and I guarantee your life will improve.

[Lauren Lavín @lalavin666]

I hope this picture of me wearing a cool jacket induces you to buy my book The Third Beat or to kick over a delivery robot or perhaps to request my book The Third Beat from your local bookseller

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

@lalavin666 Dude it was great. Congrats and write another one please.

[Katherine Packert Burke @katpburke]

ALL US SAINTS is out TODAY!!

I feel so incredibly lucky—both to have worked with a wonderful team who understands my work and to be allowed to publish such a weird, upsetting, horny book.

I hope you read it and I hope you love it.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

Reminiscing about the time I confessed to my friends I was too drunk to drive during a GTA V bank heist mission. They were kind about it.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

We did it, Ayn. Soon we’ll have a trillionaire businessman that will take us to Mars. We’re not on the gold standard; crypto is kind of the opposite, but don’t worry, you still have to mine for it.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

Going to write The Fountainhead but instead an engineer destroys a data center because their code was used to train the ai that replaced them. I’ll hate myself but with any luck end up laughing my way to the bank.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

@karterAKA Ralph Wiggum is good songwriting and good fandom.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

If PTA gets his flowers and the Dodgers three-peat in the same year I will evolve into a new form of obnoxious Angeleno.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

@kapposyan A logical progression after adopting two kittens. A tale as old as time.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

@karterAKA The sea is a happy place https://t.co/MJWZC682BT

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

@karterAKA Always tripped me up that this came from the guy who made The Raid movies. Figured he’d come to Hollywood and make an action movie with a Hemsworth or something but nope we got this.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

What Californians didn’t realize when they voted for Prop 50 is they were actually helping fund the new Death Grips album. The deep state does it again.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

Arte Moreno just replace yourself with an AI that can actually run a baseball team so Trout doesn’t waste his whole career there like Ohtani almost did.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

@BurialMagazine Tark rolling in his grave learning the Dodgers put together an epic longer than Andrei Rublev.

[Barton Aikman @BartonAikman]

Basically they played two games in one. A body horror game.