It's funny, I found this quote when I was a teenager and I thought this was the best things I ever read back then. And now all of my advice is just an adaptation of this.
Full circle
I often wonder what I would say to my younger self if I had the chance.
I think the single greatest unlock for me was that you have to learn to give. The void in my heart would not be filled by taking. The pain of existence would not be filled by consumption.
Believe your convictions. Fail hard and fast. Until death all defeats are temporary and psychological. Do not doubt your instincts. Do not listen to the stories others made to comfort themselves.
I wouldn't change a thing. I would only try to speed it up.
so i have a problem in that i like really chaste, nearly virginial guys, strangely innocent, who are socially intuitive and decorous (probably gets bitches) but extremely autistic (doesn't fuck bitches). think nathan fielder. and men as chaste as i like tend to be taken off the market really fast or have something very wrong with them. like nathan fielder. but i'm vain, and tend to go for the most generically appealing scattering of socially desirable male attributes. but men who are socially desirable and chaste — i've lost too much of my innocence to feel good enough for them, or maybe i've never had that innocence, or maybe i've lost too much of my innocence for them to be enough for me. i don't know how i could love someone who fits in so easily. i like the viciousness that is the preserve of virgins (think nathan fielder)
Fucking is an act of giving. It's an act of responsibility. An act of control.
Be very wary of men who do not want to fuck. Damaged individuals coming from an impoverished spiritual state of wanting to take. Hoarding mentality.
Do you even fuck bro ?
We romanticized being detached because admitting “I really fuxk!ng love you and losing you would hurt me” requires a type of gangster this generation doesn’t respect enough.
"each person has to be willing, at times, to bear the cost of making the other live the dream they want - not because the exchange guarantees an equivalent return, but because seeing that dream sustained has become valuable in itself."
Absolutely breathtaking.
The beauty of genuine romance lies in its scarcity, and in the fact that it is structurally difficult to reach. The incentive mechanisms underlying human relationships - whether logistical, materialistic, or feelings-driven - inevitably establish a give-and-take dynamic. When one side of that exchange fails, the whole edifice risks collapsing.
For romance to survive beyond that transactional structure, each person has to be willing, at times, to bear the cost of making the other live the dream they want - not because the exchange guarantees an equivalent return, but because seeing that dream sustained has become valuable in itself.
This is the difference between equivalence and reciprocity as genuine romance is beautiful precisely because it requires a relationship to transcend the incentive structure that normally sustains it.
lately i’ve been wondering what the most generative, yet survivable, level of difference is in a relationship. my latest theory is there are roughly three zones:
1. similarity that produces recognition: you see the world in colours i recognise, so i feel less alone
2. difference that produces expansion: you see colours i’ve never seen before, and i want to understand them. this kind of contrast can be wildly life-changing, the art hoe / tech bro meme fits here. you learn in the gaps between your worlds. the other person gives you access to entire ways of seeing you may never have reached alone
3. difference that produces estrangement: i cannot fathom how you see what you see, and eventually the distance becomes lonely
Deleuze describes friendship as not necessarily sharing the same ideas, but sharing a kind of common language or 'pre-language'. it feels like a sweet spot can be same deep grammar with different vocabulary. enough sameness to feel understood, with enough difference to remain enchanted
ladies and gentlemen, know that despair is moral failure. energy is indeed a choice. in the pit of hell, choose to believe that this is good. with zero money and resource, a broken heart, and a dead spirit, when your morale is scraping the ground, look into the distance in the dark night and say this is good. let no one hear you. let this be a memory you hold near and dear to you and you alone. it is a sacred moment. you will look back at it when the darkness breaks open and ushers in a new and higher light. will this actually happen? well, if you believe it, it will. try.
There is no character as complex as Krishna in Indian literature. Rama is easy to understand; Krishna has a facet beyond comprehension. He was India’s first statesman with a truly pan-Indian vision, and an ethical vision centuries, millennia, ahead of his time. #HappyJanmashtami
Obligatory #Janmashtami replug of this great Osho passage, from his discourse "Krishna, the Man and His Philosophy":
"Krishna alone seems to be relevant to the new awareness, to the new understanding that came to man in the wake of Freud and his findings. It is so because in the whole history of the old humanity Krishna alone is against repression.
He accepts life in all its facets, in all its climates and colors. He alone does not choose he accepts life unconditionally. He does not shun love; being a man he does not run away from women. As one who has known and experienced God, he alone does not turn his face from war. He is full of love and compassion, and yet he has the courage to accept and fight a war. His heart is utterly non violent, yet he plunges into the fire and fury of violence when it becomes unavoidable.
He accepts the nectar, and yet he is not afraid of poison. In fact, one who knows the deathless should be free of the fear of death. And of what worth is that nectar which is afraid of death? One who knows the secret of non-violence should cease to fear violence. What kind of non-violence is it that is scared of violence? And how can the spirit, the soul, fear the body and run away from it? And what is the meaning of God if he cannot take the whole of this world in his embrace?
Krishna accepts the duality, the dialectics of life altogether and therefore transcends duality. What we call transcendence is not possible so long as you are in conflict, so long as you choose one part and reject the other. Transcendence is only possible when you choicelessly accept both parts together, when you accept the whole.
That is why Krishna has great significance for the future. And his significance will continue to grow with the passage of time. When the glow and the glamor of all other godmen and messiahs has dimmed, when the suppressive religions of the world have been consigned to the wastebasket of history, Krishna’s flame will be heading towards its peak, moving towards the pinnacle of its brilliance. It will be so because, for the first time, man will be able to comprehend him, to understand him and to imbibe him. And it will be so because, for the first time, man will really deserve him and his blessings.
It is really arduous to understand Krishna. It is easy to understand that a man should run away from the world if he wants to find peace, but it is really difficult to accept that one can find peace in the thick of the marketplace. It is understandable that a man can attain to purity of mind if he breaks away from his attachments, but it is really difficult to realize that one can remain unattached and innocent in the very midst of relationships and attachments, that one can remain calm and still live at the very center of the cyclone. There is no difficulty in accepting that the flame of a candle will remain steady and still in a place well secluded from winds and storms, but how can you believe that a candle can keep burning steadily even in the midst of raging storms and hurricanes? So it is difficult even for those who are close to Krishna to understand him.
For the first time in his long history man has attempted a great and bold experiment through Krishna. For the first time, through Krishna, man has tested, and tested fully his own strength and intelligence. It has been tested and found that man can remain, like a lotus in water, untouched and unattached while living in the throes of relationship. It has been discovered that man can hold to his love and compassion even on the battlefield, that he can continue to love with his whole being while wielding a sword in his hand."