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Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
This is a twitter account dedicated to the off the wall things that come out of Matt Baker's mouth
Joined November 2010
3
Following
16
Followers
223
Posts
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
over 11 years ago
Lindsay, give me a chode to slurp on.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
over 11 years ago
Could I have a go at your chebs?
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
over 11 years ago
Give me that black card you little piece of shit.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
over 13 years ago
You're gonna make me laugh so hard I'm gonna start lactating.
Who to follow
Chinedu
@_sarge97
Software Engineer at Sikabox
Babatunde Odutola A
@astropus
Author | Consultant | Counsellor
Nancy
@KCChiefsGal53
STM, Red Coater and completed bucket list of traveling to all NFL stadiums to watch KC Chiefs!
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
over 13 years ago
How much do you think that fire extinguisher weighs? Do you think I could beat myself to death with it?
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
over 13 years ago
"Fuck everything you say."
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
over 13 years ago
My seed is so powerful it gets anything pregnant.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
over 14 years ago
I'm too rugged for beauty treatments.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
over 14 years ago
"The Ass Tampons" would be a great name for a band. The first single would be "Shit falls freely from my asshole."
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
I shall have the funs! Not the runs though. The runs are not the funs.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
Or, I could maybe call it "Rasputin Cabbage Fart."
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
I'm starting a polka punk band called "13 Drachma Jockstrap."
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
*singing* "I feel sooo much better...cuz I just blew a shit loogie out my ass."
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
Aren't you glad I lived next to a very competent pediatric hospital?
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
Stop coughing like that you're giving me a hard-on.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
Home is where the semen flies.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
I wonder if they use chopsticks to masturbate in Japan.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
The sight of you, Officer, sets my anus a quiver.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
(pretending to be Japanese) Do you have an extra small condom for my extra tiny penis? Maybe I could use a thimble.
Fake Matt Baker
@BeardedBaker
almost 15 years ago
I'm a pooping tom. I'm like a peeping tom only I poop...on girls.
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