GoForBrokeMike

Real quotes from random people that put the Duh in Floriduh.

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

I think I seized the wrong day.

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

"You can't tell the difference between #AI and a real photo? This is why old people shouldn't be allowed to vote!"

#quoteoftheday #electionyear

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

When #McDonalds advertises "all beef patties," it's technically true. Their supplier is the "All Beef Company."

#quoteoftheday

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

Waitress: Can I get an Irish Coffee?
Bartender: I can't make that.
Waitress: Why? Are you missing something?
Bartender: I'm not gonna make it with this weak ass coffee we sell!

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

Bills were the better team but they couldn't overcome the officials in OT.

#BillsvsBroncos

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

"My son is going to see WWE. He's so excited! Can you imagine? That'd be like me meeting Lyle Lovett!"

#Floriduh #quoteoftheday

[Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais]

Jaxson Dart looks like he’s on his way to help Hans Gruber seize the Nakatomi Plaza on Christmas Eve.

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

Kid walks into a bar selling Christmas koozies as a fundraiser. "C'mon buy one, we're in a bar, amiright?"
Me: How much?
Kid: *shrugs shoulders* "$10. Inflation, amiright?"

#Floriduh #truestory

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

#3IATLAS is reminding me of the bad guy's warship in #GalaxyQuest

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

The key to winning at the casino: put cinnamon on your palms, rub your hands together, and say the secret chant "jackpots no whammies! Jackpots no whammies!"
#quoteoftheday

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

"What do you call it when you fold clothes while someone is still wearing them? Oh yeah, Jujitsu!"
#quoteoftheday

[Funny Dad Jokes @FunnyDadJokess]

I Saw a lady at the gym on an exercise bike, wearing a helmet

So I put on a life jacket and got on the rowing machine next to her

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

I think I downloaded the wrong "Naughty Nurses"

#Floriduh

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

"Back in the day I worked in Tampa and corporate would ship our paychecks from Chicago by air every two weeks along with Giordano pizzas. Florida didn't have good deep dish pizza. Still doesn't!"
#Floriduh
#quoteoftheday

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

I always thought those Hollywood movies about Satan's baby trying to take over the world were fiction but today, I saw a grandmother trying to stuff a toddler into a back seat. Kid was beyond demonic.

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free.

It means I am doing nothing.

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

"International travel is getting crazy. All these rules! Some countries require a day pass just to visit!"
#quoteoftheday

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

Things #DeltaAirlines tells you:

In the event of a water landing, ropes (?) are available at the front of the aircraft.

[GoForBrokeMike @BelloOcti]

Things #DeltaAirlines tells you:

Delta is on a mission to install free Wi-Fi on all aircraft. But not this one.

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

l used to sneak out of my house to go to parties.

Now I sneak out of parties to go back to my house.

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

The instructor in my self defence class said that the most effective place to kick a man is on his knees.

Personally, I think it's nuts.