Waitress: Can I get an Irish Coffee?
Bartender: I can't make that.
Waitress: Why? Are you missing something?
Bartender: I'm not gonna make it with this weak ass coffee we sell!
Kid walks into a bar selling Christmas koozies as a fundraiser. "C'mon buy one, we're in a bar, amiright?"
Me: How much?
Kid: *shrugs shoulders* "$10. Inflation, amiright?"
#Floriduh#truestory
The key to winning at the casino: put cinnamon on your palms, rub your hands together, and say the secret chant "jackpots no whammies! Jackpots no whammies!"
#quoteoftheday
"Back in the day I worked in Tampa and corporate would ship our paychecks from Chicago by air every two weeks along with Giordano pizzas. Florida didn't have good deep dish pizza. Still doesn't!"
#Floriduh#quoteoftheday
I always thought those Hollywood movies about Satan's baby trying to take over the world were fiction but today, I saw a grandmother trying to stuff a toddler into a back seat. Kid was beyond demonic.