Below Average News

We Don't Break News — It's Already Broken. 100% Fabricated. 0% Fact Checked. Still better than cable news.

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ICYMI: iPhone Screen Time Report Adds Category Called 'Avoiding Responsibilities'

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ICYMI: Brake Job Estimate Requires Notary And Eleven Signatures

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Skip the feed they want you scrolling.

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ICYMI: State Department Retaliates Against China By Renaming Xi Jinping 'Steve'

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ICYMI: Former McDonalds Worker Celebrates Birthday At White House, UFC Fight

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Direct line from the BAN newsroom to your inbox. No platform middleman. No demoted reach.

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ICYMI: California Democrats Announce Preference for Cardboard Cutouts as Opposed to Real People

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ICYMI: Ghostbusters Reboot Requires Environmental Impact Permit Before Each Ghost Trapping, Delaying Climax By 40 Minutes

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ICYMI: Meeting That Should Have Been Email Scheduled For Follow-Up Meeting

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ICYMI: Local Woman Tells Husband She Is Fine For Seventh Time This Week

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All stories are developing. All coverage is exclusive. None of this happened.

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ICYMI: Silicon Valley AI Startup Raises 400 Million To Solve Lack Of Pronouns In Source Code

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ICYMI: Stacey Abrams for Shadow Governor: Because Regular Governor Comes With Pesky Laws and Audits

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100% fabricated. 0% fact-checked. Still better than cable news.

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ICYMI: Gen Alpha Kids Refuse To Learn Handwriting Because 'Cursive Is A Tool Of Colonial Legibility'

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ICYMI: Local Man Self-Diagnoses With Andes Virus After Smart Scale Tells Him He's Gained 0.4 Pounds

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The BAN newsroom is now you.

Pitch a headline → readers vote → top pitch becomes a real article with your byline.

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ICYMI: Parent Group Chat Demands Answers After One Mom Says She Is Simply Not Bringing Snacks

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ICYMI: New Institutional Study Finds Gavin Newsom's Performance Best Described As 'Performance'

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