Benedict XXXVI

Welcome to the official parody account of his Holiness the Party Pope Benedict XXXVI

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

When the Cardinals try to tell me what to do

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

Damn @pitchfork straight up dissed my boy! But guess who's not getting into heaven?

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

I don't believe in magic but $200 for a 50" tv is pretty damn miraculous. #BlackFriday

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

You should be able to Netflix and Chill with whomever you want to Netflix and Chill with.

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

IF you think the #MenendezBrothers story is wild, you should read the bible. #MurderFamous

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

Yes, there is a special place in hell for the likes of #ScottPeterson. #MurderFamous

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

Bitches be crazy - I just took the #MurderFamous quiz and was murdered by my crazy ex http://t.co/k7cS8lSqKw

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

Ashley Madison got hacked? Well, time to call in that favor to the Vatican I.T. guy to shut down the internet for a few days ...

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

When I go to the club and bitches be thirsty af

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

When you are trying to get someone's attention that's outside of the bar. http://t.co/a7eAIYIzr6

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

I think you're about 70 years late, God.

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

If drinking is a sin than why would Jesus be given such sweet party tricks? #Thinkaboutit

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

Gonna shoot the @POTUS an email to convince him to officially name the Tuesday after Memorial Day "National Hangover Day"

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

That's about right.

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

God in a nutshell:
People: "California has a horrible drought!"
God: "ORly?"
::Makes it rain super hard in rest of the country::

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

12 Tecates, a four hour nap and countless tacos. Am I doing #CincoDeMayo right?

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

Fuck it, I'm drinking church wine until the nuns drag me to out of this confessional booth

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

Sometimes, when I'm in the Pope-Mobile, I just sit back, smile, wave, and think to myself ... "That's So Raven"

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

Me: "Jesus, what should I cut back on?"
Jesus: "Sex, alcohol, drugs and women."
...
Me: "BESIDES those four, what should I cut back on ..."

[Benedict XXXVI @BenedictXXXVI]

I like that Moses broke the ten commandment like he was all "damn hell naw" and then realized what he did and was like "naw this how it was"