Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨

✨Hello! You can call me Sam (she/her)

✨ I'm 21 years old

✨This place is like my diary

✨ my brain's name is Mr. Walter 😊

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

For example: when I have to study for something, my brain instantly says "guess we can't read that book anymore" yes, you can.
You can study and read your book later, you can still do enjoyable things, Mr Walter.

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

My brain doesn't comprehend that we can do our responsibilities and have fun on the same day.

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

Can you tell me your tips (if you have any) on how to focus better (actually, how to focus at all bc I literally can't) on things?

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

@adhdautisticguy You are so brave for doing that. I hope this experience can really help you. Wish you all the best, friend.

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

"I'm can't talk about this rn" doesn't mean talking about it is uncomfortable, it means if I talk about it, I'm going to have a meltdown.

Don't assume things based on your way of thinking.

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

Idk about you, but I've hidden so much of myself for my whole life that when someone so easily sees right through me, it feels jarring and uncomfortable

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

The other day I sent my boyfriend a funny picture of me when I thought i was smiling but I looked like I was in pain, and that man literally said "you spent so much time controlling your facial expressions that you didn't learn how to do them naturally"
...
Ouch.

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

@mythsandrist I feel like you're the saner one here 😭😂

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

Graduation gown is definitely not autism friendly

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

@mythsandrist Ugh unfortunately that is so true.
Bad news for me bc I want to pursue the academic path 😭😭

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

Even doing what I want, just the fact that it is different from what I wanted before, makes it uncomfortable for me.

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

I struggle with changes on a daily basis, but the hardest change for me is to go from being a teenager to an adult. I don't mean just the new responsibilities, but having new tastes for movies, books, music, and what I do for fun too.

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

I've completely lost the ability to pay attention.
Sometimes I'm watching a video and I'm interested, 10 seconds go by and I go "nope can't do that" and skip the video.

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

I wish traumas were like a to-do list, and I could ✅️ and be done dealing with it

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

The graduation ceremony has been complete hell for me.
Everything that's involved in the fucking ceremony stresses me out so much.
If it wasn't mandatory, I definitely wouldn't go.

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

I swear to you that when I put on a dress (which I already hate) with a tight turtle neck and no sleeves, I thought that was it for me
I thought I was going to die and I'm not even joking

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

Hell for autistic people: spending the whole day trying on clothes

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

Finding clothes to wear to my graduation ceremony has proven to be almost as bad as studying for 5 whole years and being humiliated by uni professors

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

@adhdautisticguy Sorry I've been absent, friend, but I want you to know I wish you're safe and that you can get better soon!

[Lonely Autistic ✨(She/Her)✨ @BenignNumbness]

Sometimes, I trick myself into thinking I can just let go of my autism and become allistic with willpower.
I literally just thought "ok tomorrow I'm going to ignore my sensory issues with food and eat a salad."
Girl... that's not how it works.