Brendan

None of my opinions are my own

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

Instagram has abandoned all hope of figuring out my algorithm and is now just trying to sell me planks of wood

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

Working at the psych hospital and a child just peed in his own sock and threw it at me like it was a water balloon. It’s 6am why didn’t I become a welder

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

@willniedmann Tell him to be an adult and copy and paste it from Beyoncé’s Wikipedia page like the rest of us

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

@corncanhands Fr he commits mass genocide like 30 minutes into the first movie 💀

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

Update I got an interview

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

I have a Master’s degree but when I tell you I’m about to drop EVERYTHING

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

@gothth0ttt Already applied 👌🏻

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

I have a Master’s degree but when I tell you I’m about to drop EVERYTHING

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

@hisairness13 @nonewgirlcontxt They said unpopular not wrong

[matt bernstein @mattxiv]

twitter has officially removed the feature that tells you what device a tweet was sent from and i just wanna say say dorothy we will never forget you.

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

Children’s TV shows made me think that as an adult I would be crawling through a LOT more air vents

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

I want someone to do an in-depth psychological study on people who leave TikTok comments. Yesterday I saw someone tell a woman “God, you’re so hot and articulate” who tf says that

[Tumisha(🤡)'s Stud Sheriff Boiwife 🫡🤠 @disrupthehuman]

ngl, corporations being forced to come on here and publicly say shit like "we apologize for the impersonator account that tweeted that everyone deserves food, clean water, and shelter, that is absolutely not what we stand for" is pretty funny.

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

Completely normal attraction offered by the haunted house down the street from me

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

“You know what really gets my goat?”

*points to picture of a Chupacabra*

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

Tumblr continues to be the only good social media platform

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

@jackiantonovich Counter-argument: Frogs.

[Brendan @BernardScrambls]

Nightmares are ridiculous it’s just your brain making up fake scenarios and getting scared. I do that enough when I’m AWAKE.

[Dox🦂(🦅2-4) @DoxBrando25]

Shrek 2 is really cinema. I'm now understanding this was a OJ SIMPSON REFERENCE 😭😭😭😭