Bea😘🥰 @BernardStellam2 - Twitter Profile

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over 1 year ago

Girls submit to your leadership skill,unconditional love and provider instinct Not toxic masculinity, forced dominance or aggression.

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BernardStellam2 retweeted

just me @Justus1m1

18 days ago

As a Nigerian, your two enemies are: 1 .Tinubu. 2 .Anyone who supports him.

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BernardStellam2 retweeted

NneChukwu!

@Okeke_Uz

18 days ago

Some of us Nigerian parents don't know how to raise teenagers without turning the house into a courtroom. Maybe it comes from our own experience and level of exposure, but we need to unlearn a lot of styles because they aren't working. Your child walks in from school and the cross-examination begins. "Where are you going?" "Who were you with?" "Why did you do that?" "Who told you?" "Are you hiding something?" Nobody has made room for "Good evening." No one has said "Welcome." In a bid to stay on top of your protection game, you become the prosecutor, the judge and the police, while your child becomes the accused. But what you don't realise is that your teenager has now learnt the quickest way out of your courtroom: say little, say what pleases you, and say it fast. Then all of a sudden, they recoil and stop talking. And you start complaining, "These children of nowadays don't confide in their parents." You start sulking over the idea that they don't need you anymore, after everything you have done. But how would they? My dear, sometimes the child didn't stop needing you. They just stopped feeling safe enough to tell you the truth. Think about how it works with your own phone. If a certain app charges you every time you open it, you stop opening it. You don't stop needing the app. You just stop going there. Or a shop where the owner shouts at every customer who asks a question. Clearly, people will stop asking. They still need what is inside, so they buy it from the next shop, where nobody shouts. That is exactly what happens when your teenager has a problem. Your boy is being pressured by friends, or your girl has received a message that made her uncomfortable. Maybe somebody older is being too friendly. They have just two places to take it: home or friends. But when the first question from home is "What did you do to cause it?", they would rather go to a friend, a stranger on the internet, or a classmate who knows nothing. And sadly, the second place is usually the one that answers. A teenager needs boundaries, absolutely. Curfews, rules, consequences, all of it. But boundaries without relationship can produce obedience in your presence and secrecy in your absence. A child who says "Yes, Mummy" at the gate, then begins another life once the gate closes. And you think you have a well-behaved child, not knowing you only have a well-trained actor. You don't raise teenagers by making sure they fear you. A child who is afraid of you learns to lie beautifully, and the lie gets better with every year. You raise them by making sure they know they can come to you before the world teaches them its own lessons. The world is a very harsh teacher, and it doesn't offer a second chance to resit the exam it sets. So the next time your teenager says something that shocks you, take a breath before the first question. Let your reaction be the reason they come back tomorrow, not the reason they never come again. Be the safest place they know. Selah.

Okeke_Uz's tweet photo. Some of us Nigerian parents don't know how to raise teenagers without turning the house into a courtroom. Maybe it comes from our own experience and level of exposure, but we need to unlearn a lot of styles because they aren't working.

Your child walks in from school and the cross-examination begins.

"Where are you going?"

"Who were you with?"

"Why did you do that?"

"Who told you?"

"Are you hiding something?"

Nobody has made room for "Good evening." No one has said "Welcome."

In a bid to stay on top of your protection game, you become the prosecutor, the judge and the police, while your child becomes the accused.

But what you don't realise is that your teenager has now learnt the quickest way out of your courtroom: say little, say what pleases you, and say it fast.

Then all of a sudden, they recoil and stop talking. And you start complaining, "These children of nowadays don't confide in their parents." You start sulking over the idea that they don't need you anymore, after everything you have done.

But how would they?

My dear, sometimes the child didn't stop needing you. They just stopped feeling safe enough to tell you the truth.

Think about how it works with your own phone. If a certain app charges you every time you open it, you stop opening it. You don't stop needing the app. You just stop going there.

Or a shop where the owner shouts at every customer who asks a question. Clearly, people will stop asking. They still need what is inside, so they buy it from the next shop, where nobody shouts.

That is exactly what happens when your teenager has a problem.

Your boy is being pressured by friends, or your girl has received a message that made her uncomfortable. Maybe somebody older is being too friendly. They have just two places to take it: home or friends.

But when the first question from home is "What did you do to cause it?", they would rather go to a friend, a stranger on the internet, or a classmate who knows nothing.

And sadly, the second place is usually the one that answers.

A teenager needs boundaries, absolutely. Curfews, rules, consequences, all of it. But boundaries without relationship can produce obedience in your presence and secrecy in your absence.

A child who says "Yes, Mummy" at the gate, then begins another life once the gate closes. And you think you have a well-behaved child, not knowing you only have a well-trained actor.

You don't raise teenagers by making sure they fear you. A child who is afraid of you learns to lie beautifully, and the lie gets better with every year.

You raise them by making sure they know they can come to you before the world teaches them its own lessons. The world is a very harsh teacher, and it doesn't offer a second chance to resit the exam it sets.

So the next time your teenager says something that shocks you, take a breath before the first question. Let your reaction be the reason they come back tomorrow, not the reason they never come again.

Be the safest place they know.

Selah.

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Bea😘🥰

@BernardStellam2

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