Best Normal Guy

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Gonna get a head start with a gap in the market. Second-hand cigarettes. Pre loved and pre smoked a bit, maybe a couple dents here and there. Still full priced, but it’s good to recycle

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Getting a little napkin and picking my nose in the morning for all those great little bogies. Placing them all in the napkin then folding it up, i blow my nose with it and seal it with the snot like a little envelope. We are so back.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Office lunches present a moment to socialise in an otherwise hectic day. Although the chatter has dipped off lately. I just tend to get stuck into my lunch of multiple bananas and pickles, I’ll look around the room to see if anyone wants to chat. They tend to keep to themselves.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Safe to say, I will NOT be having the tuna mayo sandwiches from the Shell garage just off the M8 AGAIN. Taking a bite from that while driving caused me to cough, swerve, and cause a pile up of 7 cars. I’m ok though, it was just a bit bland.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Been trying out some new year’s resolutions to boost my mood. I wake up and write down 3 things I’m grateful for in my little journal of affirmations. Then I light a scented candle and rack a huge line, bump it and rip a few ciggies. I’ve been feeling really good these days.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Returning to work after new year can be tough to adjust. A break of festivities are bound to make any Monday blue despite whatever sun may be shining

Good thing I managed to score the day off today. I told HR I’d fucking kill myself if I had to work. “Stay at home” they said yay

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

“She sells sea shells on the sea shore.” Well listen buddy, without the proper permits to do so, you aren’t selling anything. SHE will be seeing some CELLS for shore!

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

It’s friday and my friends are already out drinking, but i can’t join them until later. But I figured out a cool way to catch up so I’m not so sober and alone when I do eventually see them. What I do is I start drinking DURING work so when I finish, I’ve got a good buzz on.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Crocs are taking over the footwear world, but that’s just the start. I can see rubber starting to dominate the clothing market soon. Head to toe, with sturdy metal zips and straps. Discard the frivolous and now outdated velcro. Full body sealed rubber garments
That’s what I think

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

McDonald’s is afraid of me when I walk in there, and so they fucking should be. They didn’t give me my quarter pounder and I got a bit angry. And after splitting my head open when I bent over to tie my shoes, they did not give me any napkins to stem the bleeding. Poor service.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

If I was in prison with Michael Scofield, i’d want to hang out with him all the time. I bet he would be great at quiz of the day.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

I’m the best at playing call of duty. I’m really really good. My wife’s boyfriend even said so.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Game of Thrones is all about multiple clans, armies, entities and individuals all wanted to sit in a big metal chair. A cold, big, shit metal chair, with no stool. No telly. Then it gets all melted by a big lizard. Why is it 8 fucking seasons long.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Not to get too political, but I’m pretty sure 9/11 wasn’t a good thing, pretty sure. Like, I didn’t see it happen, but I’ve heard that it wasn’t great. Hmm.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Cigarettes for outside. Vapes for inside. Beer for driving. It’s really simple.

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Dawg i know Kino Der Toten better than my actual house. On my way to get Jug, do u need anything

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

Kendrick Lamar is as close to a Looney Tunes character that were ever going to get

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

going to pharmacy to pick up my white wine prescription. Hope i get better soon

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

hey doc, what’s the deal with all this crazy oozing? All this pus?? Hella strange

[Best Normal Guy @BestNormalGuy]

italians are fucking cool for making their food all fun shaped. Let’s make this pasta tube shaped. Now let’s make it look like a bow tie. Big bit of bread but make it a circle and throw ham on it. Live for this shit