Beth

nerdy ghost

[Beth @BethH914]

things I could do on twitter: share useful world news; provide insightful commentary

things I do do on twitter: make poop jokes

[Beth @BethH914]

one minute you’re young and fun and the next minute you love oiling your cutting boards

[Beth @BethH914]

i love the universal equivalency of should i get two donuts or a bagel

[Beth @BethH914]

i live in constant fear of misjudging how much time it will take me to get to the airport

[SparkNotes @SparkNotes]

*aggressively flipping off an eagle* this is for prometheus

[Beth @BethH914]

@taking_nap My new mission: get old people on Twitter (the world needs this content)

[Beth @BethH914]

Why is it that the cities with the furthest airports have the chattiest uber drivers

[♥mark magark♥ @markedly]

I have a very serious condition called "needing to be cozy all the time"

[Beth @BethH914]

say cooper kupp’s a chupacabra 3x fast

[Beth @BethH914]

eating peanut butter out of the jar is the lazy grown up version of playing operation

[Beth @BethH914]

never hated myself more than after spending 10m unwittingly deleting unread emails from the trash folder

[trash jones @jzux]

me when i have a bad day: i think i deserve a little treat

me when i have a good day: i think i deserve a little treat

[computer man @gloomfather]

Ladies if your man is out here solving the wordle puzzle in under 4 guesses. that aint your man. you are dating a gifted child

[Ben Leary @benlearyy]

we teach our spinach to shrink itself. to make itself smaller

[Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman]

Guess Who I Saw At The Store (10 Minute Version) (Mom's Version)

[Sarah @sarahoftherings]

After being indoors for too long: nothing matters :(
After going on a short walk by the river: nothing matters :)

[SparkNotes @SparkNotes]

Half of my problems could be fixed by a wealthy man falling in love with me and the other half could be fixed by taking a trip to Bath

[Beth @BethH914]

just looked at my unmade bed and said aloud to myself ‘im certainly not going to want to later but i definitely don’t want to now’ and if that’s not adulting idk what is

[Nikita @nikitadumptruck]

Sometimes when a movie is too scary I have to remind myself they are all just theater kids

[im ave @tsve_]

i do not have “main character syndrome” i have “i am the only human character in a muppet movie syndrome”