Better_Clever

My little dogs bitch. Don't take my tweets too serious, I tend to lie a lot.

[Better_Clever @Better_Clever]

This green health smoothie tastes like depression and a mouthful of dead flowers.

[dior ✞ @deeore5]

the older i get the heller the no

[Paul Bronks @SlenderSherbet]

Me: Why am I always broke?

Amazon: Your horse's Thomas the Tank Engine costume has been delivered.

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

To be truly fluent in English,
you must know your shits

Dogshit: Very poor quality
Bullshit: Not true
Horseshit: Nonsense
Apeshit: Rambunctious
Batshit: Insane
Chickenshit: Cowards
Ratshit: Poor quality
No shit: Obviously
Holy shit: Unbelievable
Hot shit: Very good
Dipshit: Total dumbass
Tuff shit: Take it or leave it.
Jack shit: Nothing
The shit: Perfection

[le.hl @0xleegenz]

The older i get, the more i hate making extra stops after work

I drive home like i'm late for my house

[Rue’s Last Fix @CurttiMagurtti]

Who fucking closed last night?

[Negi💸 @NM5WRLD]

I love when nothing dries because the fitted sheet turned the whole load into one massive b@llsack.

[Jon Tweets Sports @jontweetssports]

I watched a guy run a sub-six-minute mile pace ... uphill ... on skis

while I ate a Reese's Blizzard from Dairy Queen (with extra Reese's)

[☔ @Whotfismick]

I'm this OLD

[Nayele18 @nayele18maybe]

Can’t wait to stop complaining about the cold weather and start complaining about the hot weather

[krista @kristabellerina]

Is there anything more annoying than sticky notes that won't stick, like they have one job.

[𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐢✰ @_timiszn]

"are we still going?".... An introverts attempt to cancel.

[dior ✞ @deeore5]

whoever salts the fries at McDonald's needs to come do the roads

[blue @bluewmist]

books are so cool because there are NO FUCKING ADS IN THEM

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

Just got Halloween candy from ALDI, hope these kids like N&N’s & Skattles 😩

[Sosa✧. @luhvvsosa]

i genuinely feel like if someone wanna steal DEODORANT we should just let them

[internet hall of fame @InternetH0F]

Phil Collins is the only person who could drum & sing like this while looking like the IT guy at your workplace

[Communist Daughter @400luxblows]

Ate healthy the entire day and then swallowed 3 donuts after work

[𝒵𝒾𝓀✯ @_Gottalovezik]

me passing someone : u slow bitch
me being passed: ok speed racer