Mary Jane

Nerdy and dirty mom. #Momlife #HP4Life

[Mary Jane @BiGallifreyGirl]

What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger

[Mary Jane @BiGallifreyGirl]

@Garrett_Watts I literally screamed when you announced the poscast!! I can't wait ♡♡♡

[Jeffree Star @JeffreeStar]

I’m going to give away $10,000 to 3 random people who retweet this tweet AND follows me! (If you don’t follow me, can’t DM you the money) Much love 💗

[Mary Jane @BiGallifreyGirl]

@Garrett_Watts Rocky Horror Picture Show

[breezy @bneura_]

Racism isn’t a touchy topic if you’re not a fucking racist

[Mary Jane @BiGallifreyGirl]

@xTheOtherGirl @Garrett_Watts Samesies!

[Jeffree Star @JeffreeStar]

I’m gonna give away $5,000 to 3 random people who retweets this and follows me! ❤️ Quarantine is lasting way longer than expected and I wanna keep helping out. Love you guys ⭐️

[Jeffree Star @JeffreeStar]

I’m going to give away $30,000 to 1 random person who retweets this tweet AND follows Twitter Philanthropist @Pulte and Me!! (If you don’t follow us, we can’t DM you the money) Will show proof! Much love

[Katie Nolan @katienolan]

Super Bowl halftime nipple rules feel inconsistent

[Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues]

Them: Listen to your body more.

Body: You're old. And you want lasagna.

[Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues]

She died doing what she loved: passive-aggressively sighing when the cashier bags her groceries out of the order that she put them on the belt.

[Mary Jane @BiGallifreyGirl]

#100% https://t.co/WJf48bOhqM

[Mommy Owl @Mommy__Owl]

Sometimes I think the only reason moms befriend other moms is because they need more people to complain to.

[Wendy S. @maughammom]

If I vacuum over something 3 times and it still doesn’t come up then that thing has clearly found it’s destined place in this world and who am I to argue with destiny

[Lauren Mullen @DraggingFeeties]

Me: Looks like it's time to play everyone's favorite game!

Kids: *clapping and cheering excitedly*

Husband: No one wants to help you find your glasses.

[Mary Jane @BiGallifreyGirl]

#momlife https://t.co/6cMtdgFYQF

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

Before I had kids, I thought I had a great immune system, but it turns out I was just really good at staying away from the type of people who sneeze directly into your eyeballs while telling you a story.

[The 21st Century SAHM @21stcenturysahm]

You're going to miss this, I whisper to myself as I'm shot in the butt with a nerf gun while unclogging the toilet.

[MyQuestionableLife @2questionable]

Helping your kids with their math homework is a good way to teach them about math and swear words.

[Ash (an female) ⚪️ @adult_mom]

Toddler: MOM I POOPED ON THE POTTY
Me: good job!
Toddler: AND NOT ON MY UNDIES
Me: i’m proud of you
Toddler: AND NOT ON MY PANTS
Me: great
Toddler: AND NOT ON THE TOOTHBRUSHES
Me: wait what

[the Mom TruthBomb @momTruthBomb]

Parenting never gets easier. It just morphs into new and exciting varieties of difficulty.