The word of the day is "legs". Do your part to spread the word.

Sometimes you need to fail to learn from your failure.

It's hot as balls today. And by "balls" I mean "testicles".

The clitoris is really just the "Like" button on a girl.

Don't forget to cup the balls.

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity. The more you think about it, the harder it gets.

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I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

I love how people in our society think sex and nudity is more shocking and obscene than war and violence.

Don't forget to cup the balls.

It's the good girls that keep the diaries...the bad girls never have the time.

I want to violate you like a parking meter.

The problem with Ikea furniture is that it looks like it came from Ikea.

Always remember. You're unique...just like everyone else.

Tweeting is like golf; you can write crap all day but when someone says, “I love your tweets,” you’re ready to play another round.

Baby, you're sexier than socks on a rooster.

There's no reason to have a plan B. It distracts from Plan A.