Ryan Thompson

I'm better at tweeting in person.

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

@Wendys I haven't tweeted in years, but I'm reviving this account in an attempt to track down a source for large quantities of your creamy Sriracha sauce. I need gallon sizes. I love it.

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

Walking up to the Popeye's cashier like "you already know what I'm here for."

[MoonPie @MoonPie]

We have the technology

The time is now

Science can wait no longer

We can, should, must, blow up the sun

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

Excuse you sir in the nice Infiniti who gave me a look as I pulled in up park next to him. I will cough on your car and give it poor people germs.

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

@BarLouie you all ruined $5 burger night 😒

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

The worker in Chick-fil-A just responded to my "thank you" with a "you're welcome" and for a minute I thought I was at McDonald's. What in the my pleasure is this.

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

The worst decision I made in 2018: getting an iPhone.

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

@HaymarketBikes @RegalMovies Gainesville 😒

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

When you're understaffed and also the worst movie theater in Virginia @RegalMovies

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

*Gets added to GroupMe message*

*Immediately mutes the GroupMe message*

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

You don't love Chipotle. You just love the taste of burnt chicken. That's all Chipotle is.

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

A puppy just ran up to me and the owner apologized.

No sir, I should be thanking you for this gift.

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

R.I.P. Gainesville Chili's 😭

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

I just heard this little old lady in Wendy's go "It's CNN, it's FAKE news" and I uncontrollably cringed.

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

I feel like there's more Cowboys fans in Washington than there are Redskins fans.

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

I really need to stop smelling kombucha before I drink it...

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

*At a volleyball game*

Me: Wow they need to take number 4 out. She's falling apart.

Woman in front of me: Yeah I agree!

Me: She's just not good.

Same woman in front of me: That's my daughter >:(

*Leaves country. Changes citizenship. Befriends a volleyball.*

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

You know what I haven't seen a commercial for in a while? Frosted Flakes #theyregreaaat?

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

I imagine Hell is basically walking past service dogs that you can't pet on an endless loop #JesusSaves

[Ryan Thompson @BigBirdRyan]

When you find a hair in your food and suddenly it's a gamble between throwing out your $8.24 burrito and the kind of hair it is.