Andrew Bitner

Time Flies By, They All Sang Along

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

The year is 2004, your 64 pack of crayola crayons has the built in sharpener, you are now the coolest kid in school.

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

@BrendanMcNu Fred bread.

I may be going further.

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

Okay but I meant 2019...

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

I meant 2018... https://t.co/GfV7L8KJiP

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

The Potato Famine of 2017...

[Cole @Genders33]

Absolute tragedy. I was just there 13 years ago

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

They look like oysters but they taste like crackers

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

To Infinity and Beyond!

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

Sometimes I wish mail was still delivered via the Pony Express.

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

#BarstoolChamps #BarstoolBestBar

[palmer @decentbirthday]

burglar: sir, the safe doesn’t have a combination. it’s literally just guarded by a public school bus window

burglar 2: *evil laugh* those fools!

[five hours later]

burglar 2: *exhausted* you have to shimmy it. you’re not shimmying it

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

“Vegetables are the vehicle to get ranch into your face”

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

Not gunna lie I don’t remember how to tie shoes

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

How wild is it that all of the transformer movies were made with claymation

[Andrew Bitner @BitnerAndrew]

Why do you need 6 wheels?

[Rachel @rachelsorensenn]

And you’re watching Disney channel

[Clem 🏆 @TheClemReport]

Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?