Blaffo Magazine

The world's last magazine.

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

"He also pledged to refer to his wife as 'Wheezy' for the remainder of the day."

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#trump #blackface #MLK #impeachment

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

"We asked experts on the moments-old phenomenon their opinions and even they, the experts, hadn’t heard of it yet."

Read the full story--> https://t.co/S6E7HTf6sf

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

ICE: ‘We’re All Just Children Trapped Inside Cage Of Human Psyche’

"Do not we too sleep on the cold hard concrete of this waking dream that is life?"

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#ImmigrationPolicy #detentioncenter #ice #Immigration

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

BREAKING: Trump Lays Wreath at Tomb of Unknown Stripper

"#Trump said we can never repay the debt of gratitude we owe to the women of our nation’s strip clubs. He then stuffed a $5 into the wreath."

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#stripper #DonaldTrump #potus #studentloan

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

Meet the Flat, Spinning #Woman Who Inspired the #Lazy Susan

“Most doorways can’t accommodate my 6-foot-diameter, disc-shaped head, so I couldn’t go anywhere unless someone picked me up and tilted me.”

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[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

#Pfizer Introduces Viagra for Children

"#Viagra Kidz is yet another treatment option available for newborns and toddlers who suffer from sexual impotence."

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[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

Ashton Kutcher Files for Chapter 11 Prankruptcy

"Kutcher blamed chillaxed lending criteria and whackquisition of multiple BB rated punk bonds which ultimately forced the prankruptcy broceedings."

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@aplusk @MTV

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

#McDonalds: Customers Agree Hamburger + Penis = ;-)

"Plus, customers who don’t want to wait for the penis can use the McDelivery app to guarantee penis at their doorstep in minutes."

Full story--> https://t.co/JHjcq08ibc

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

Should Doctors Have More Arms for #Medicine?

"If people don’t want #doctors to use more arms for themselves, then are the people #happy with just people like them #dying because their doctor didn’t have enough arms?"

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@DrOz @AmericanMensa

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

#BernieSanders Appears on #CNN with Balloon Stuck to Head

“If we cared about the bottom 99% like we care about the balloon, the middle class in this country wouldn’t be in the position it’s in today.”

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#FeelTheBern #dnc #Democrats #FakeNews

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

Ted Cruz Goes Caddywampus On Texas

“I pledge to you this moment I will giddyup and caddywampus all the way to the flim flammers and plap-talkers in #Washington—right here from #Texas!”

Read more--> https://t.co/JawpbpBaxN

#TedCruz @tedcruz @BetoORourke @AOC @SenWarren

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

#AcademyAwards Embrace #Diversity with Snuff Film Category

"While nominees have yet to be announced, celebrities have already started weighing in on their favorite snuff films."

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[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

@Hallmark Releases Limited-Edition #Chocolate-Filled Human Heart

“These are the hearts of people who once felt the same love for their special someone as you do for yours.” 

#valentinesday #giftideas
#FakeNews

Read more--> https://t.co/kjTSIIuS6V

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

Our Sex Life Used to Be Great, Then We Got a Stop Sign

"Even though it said ‘STOP,’ deep down I knew it meant, ‘8 Signs You’re Trapped In A Sexless Marriage.’"

Read more--> https://t.co/nYavwykZ4W

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

CLAMS: THE SLUTS OF THE OCEAN

"Clams are just crazy for clam cock,” according to lead researcher David Coyne.

Full story--> https://t.co/wyzVfd6ssN

#wildlife #ocean #slut #fakenews

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

I Won’t #Vaccinate My Daughter Because She Probably Won’t Use Her #Autism #Superpowers Responsibly

"Some may criticize me for raising my daughter naturally, but I’ve got a few science on my side."

Read more--> https://t.co/8iGHCYUc3x

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

Who's ready for some civil discourse tonight?

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#TrumpAddress #BorderWall #TrumpShutdown #primetime #GovernmentShutdown

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

‘I’LL BELIEVE #CLIMATE #SCIENTISTS WHEN I SEE THEM HOLDING TEST TUBES OF BUBBLY BLUE LIQUID’

"Don’t bother talking to me if it’s a clear liquid either."

Read more--> https://t.co/gf4EJj6oeK

#FakeNews @BillNye @algore #climatechange #globalwarming

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

MORE BUSY #EXECUTIVES ARE SAVING TIME BY SHITTING IN THEIR PANTS STANDING UP

“I’m a busy man. I can’t be running off to some other room every time I need to defecate,” explained Pfizer CEO Ian Read.

Read more--> https://t.co/RZKcdrJgcU

#FakeNews #CEO #toilethumor #poop

[Blaffo Magazine @BlaffoMagazine]

#AMAZON TO DELIVER CONDOMS STRAIGHT TO YOUR PENIS

In January, @Amazon will introduce a #drone-based condom delivery service that will unwrap and unroll select condom brands directly onto the #penises of customers prior to sexual intercourse.

Read more--> https://t.co/GuNxYNuH5T