RandomWhiteGuy

50% Jeff Winger. 50% percent Jeff Goldblum. 100% tired.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Imma ride out this lockdown with the same amount of self-loathing and booze I usually have in life.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Songs are like pork products, you enjoy a bit of bacon once in a while but can never resist an absolute banger!

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

@willrevans Jesus' followers: 12
Neil deGrasse Tyson's followers:13.6m

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Yeah alright, Jesus turned water into wine but scientists turned potatoes into vodka.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Are we really sure Moses parted the Red Sea or did he just put some Flex Tape on that shit?

[Will @will_evans77]

Gonna tell my kids that this is Elon Musk

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

All politicians are snakes. It's our job as the people to pick the ones that aren't venomous to our country.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Why do I look like I have Resting Bro Face in all of my photos?

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Cars are just land kayaks.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

I don't get why people like going off the ship to France first these days. In 1944 they'd probably of been absolutely bricking it to get off first.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

That's ironic since I trust neither of them

[BBC Politics @BBCPolitics]

@bbclaurak Tory leadership candidate Jeremy Hunt insists he's the right person to lead the UK because he is "trustworthy" and can be "tough" when he needs to be

Watch his full interview with @bbclaurak ➡️ https://t.co/LXr3Lw1duj

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

In terms of TV channels, Gold is just Dave for older people.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

If you asked British politicians about Brexit or the weather, which topic would be complained about the most? I'm sure that they'd just implode at the paradox.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Gin and Juice is for the young,
Gin and Tonic is for the old,
But as someone who is too old for juice and too young to appreciate tonic water,
How do I drink my Gin?
Straight shot it mate. #WednesdayWisdom #gin #poetry

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Let's play spot the difference kids! One is Short, one is tall,
But both men have it all,
One born in '46, one in '84,
But both can't let go of the Cold War!
C'mon even Tricky Dick managed to do talks with Asia! #hanoisummit #TrumpKimSummit

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

@jrmswell @NinjaBoffin @HiRezVox @DanielBerry_YT @MountainGoatDK @Bellefroid @Loida__ @feralknights @BrandonRoukey @Lythes_ @Onylight @Fomdeuploof @SirRemarkableMe @greekmuller @MichelSML @JasoneseusClark @Jobsher98 @ellielornac 69 ha very funny meme. Half of them are like celebs so I am not gonna ask them to do that shiz now.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Does Tomato soup count as Bolognese sauce? Just asking for a friend and I have definitely not done it myself. #FoodForThought

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

'We have nothing to fear but fear itself' - Part of FDR's inaugural speech in 1933. However, I don't think that the Japanese were only afraid of fear after Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Harsh reality but I'm just being True man.

[RandomWhiteGuy @BlakeRoe7]

Worst Christmas Present Ever?

[BBC Breaking News @BBCBreaking]

US President Donald Trump expected to visit UK in December for Nato summit https://t.co/FkGRaABFTs