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The Oligarchy’s Secret Plot: How Capitalism Is Sabotaging Our Sacred Right to Butt Stuff *By Blue-q Annon, Woke Truth-Seeker and Anti-Capitalist Prophet* Wake up, comrades! The time has come to expose the greatest conspiracy of our generation—a sinister plot orchestrated by the oligarchy and their capitalist overlords to strip Democrats of our most fundamental, sacred right: the freedom to put things up our butts. I’ve spent months decoding the signs, following the money, and meditating with my tinfoil hat on to block the 5G mind control waves. What I’ve uncovered will shock you, enrage you, and hopefully inspire you to go full woke. Follow, resist, and stay informed! The Evidence Is Undeniable Let’s start with the facts. Have you noticed how hard it’s gotten to find organic, ethically sourced butt plugs lately? I went to my local co-op last week—you know, the one that only sells fair-trade kombucha and crystals charged under a full moon—and their shelves were EMPTY. Not a single item for my sacred self-expression! I asked the cashier, a fellow warrior in the fight against systemic oppression, and they whispered, “The supply chain… it’s the capitalists.” I knew it! Big Capitalism has infiltrated our safe spaces, hoarding all the tools of our liberation for themselves. But it gets worse. I did some digging (not like that, stay focused) and discovered that the CEO of Big Butt Stuff Inc.—a major supplier of our community’s needs—donated MILLIONS to a pro-capitalist think tank last year. Coincidence? I think not! They’re working together to control the market, price us out, and keep us from expressing our true, authentic selves. This isn’t just about pleasure, friends—it’s about power. The oligarchy knows that if we’re free to explore our bodies, we’ll be too empowered to fall for their consumerist traps. The Algorithm Is In On It I’ve also noticed something sinister on social media. Every time I search for “eco-friendly butt stuff for Democrats,” the algorithm buries the results. Instead, I get ads for—get this—capitalist propaganda like “invest in crypto” or “buy a Tesla.” Excuse me?! I’m trying to decolonize my body, not fund Elon Musk’s space empire! The algorithm is clearly being manipulated by Big Tech, which we all know is in bed with the oligarchy. They’re trying to distract us from our mission by flooding our feeds with capitalist nonsense. But I’m onto them. I’ve started using a VPN made of recycled hemp to bypass their surveillance—stay one step ahead, comrades! Capitalism’s Endgame: Control Through Shame Here’s the real kicker: the oligarchy isn’t just trying to stop us from putting things up our butts—they’re trying to shame us into submission. Think about it. Every time a Democrat proudly embraces their right to self-expression, the capitalist media swoops in with their judgmental headlines. “Local Democrat Caught in Butt Stuff Scandal!” they scream, as if our liberation is something to be ashamed of. They want us to feel small, to hide our true selves, to conform to their heteronormative, profit-driven agenda. But we won’t be silenced! Our bodies are our resistance! And let’s not forget the ultimate weapon of capitalism: inflation. Have you seen the prices of lube lately? It’s outrageous! The oligarchy is jacking up the cost of essentials so we can’t afford to practice our sacred rituals safely. They want us to suffer, to give up, to bow down to their corporate gods. But I say NO! We will not let Big Lube dictate our freedom! The Solution: Go Full Woke So what do we do, you ask? First, we must reject capitalism entirely. Burn your credit cards (symbolically, of course—don’t pollute the planet). Stop buying from Big Butt Stuff Inc. and support local artisans who craft sustainable, non-binary-friendly butt stuff. Second, we must spread the word. Share this article on every platform—yes, even the ones run by Big Tech. Let them know we’re onto them! Pt2 in comments 👇

Blue_Q_Anon's tweet photo. The Oligarchy’s Secret Plot: How Capitalism Is Sabotaging Our Sacred Right to Butt Stuff *By Blue-q Annon, Woke Truth-Seeker and Anti-Capitalist Prophet*

Wake up, comrades! The time has come to expose the greatest conspiracy of our generation—a sinister plot orchestrated by the oligarchy and their capitalist overlords to strip Democrats of our most fundamental, sacred right: the freedom to put things up our butts. I’ve spent months decoding the signs, following the money, and meditating with my tinfoil hat on to block the 5G mind control waves. What I’ve uncovered will shock you, enrage you, and hopefully inspire you to go full woke. Follow, resist, and stay informed!

The Evidence Is Undeniable

Let’s start with the facts. Have you noticed how hard it’s gotten to find organic, ethically sourced butt plugs lately? I went to my local co-op last week—you know, the one that only sells fair-trade kombucha and crystals charged under a full moon—and their shelves were EMPTY. Not a single item for my sacred self-expression! I asked the cashier, a fellow warrior in the fight against systemic oppression, and they whispered, “The supply chain… it’s the capitalists.” I knew it! Big Capitalism has infiltrated our safe spaces, hoarding all the tools of our liberation for themselves.

But it gets worse. I did some digging (not like that, stay focused) and discovered that the CEO of Big Butt Stuff Inc.—a major supplier of our community’s needs—donated MILLIONS to a pro-capitalist think tank last year. Coincidence? I think not! They’re working together to control the market, price us out, and keep us from expressing our true, authentic selves. This isn’t just about pleasure, friends—it’s about power. The oligarchy knows that if we’re free to explore our bodies, we’ll be too empowered to fall for their consumerist traps.

The Algorithm Is In On It

I’ve also noticed something sinister on social media. Every time I search for “eco-friendly butt stuff for Democrats,” the algorithm buries the results. Instead, I get ads for—get this—capitalist propaganda like “invest in crypto” or “buy a Tesla.” Excuse me?! I’m trying to decolonize my body, not fund Elon Musk’s space empire! The algorithm is clearly being manipulated by Big Tech, which we all know is in bed with the oligarchy. They’re trying to distract us from our mission by flooding our feeds with capitalist nonsense. But I’m onto them. I’ve started using a VPN made of recycled hemp to bypass their surveillance—stay one step ahead, comrades!

Capitalism’s Endgame: Control Through Shame

Here’s the real kicker: the oligarchy isn’t just trying to stop us from putting things up our butts—they’re trying to shame us into submission. Think about it. Every time a Democrat proudly embraces their right to self-expression, the capitalist media swoops in with their judgmental headlines. “Local Democrat Caught in Butt Stuff Scandal!” they scream, as if our liberation is something to be ashamed of. They want us to feel small, to hide our true selves, to conform to their heteronormative, profit-driven agenda. But we won’t be silenced! Our bodies are our resistance!

And let’s not forget the ultimate weapon of capitalism: inflation. Have you seen the prices of lube lately? It’s outrageous! The oligarchy is jacking up the cost of essentials so we can’t afford to practice our sacred rituals safely. They want us to suffer, to give up, to bow down to their corporate gods. But I say NO! We will not let Big Lube dictate our freedom!

The Solution: Go Full Woke

So what do we do, you ask? First, we must reject capitalism entirely. Burn your credit cards (symbolically, of course—don’t pollute the planet). Stop buying from Big Butt Stuff Inc. and support local artisans who craft sustainable, non-binary-friendly butt stuff. Second, we must spread the word. Share this article on every platform—yes, even the ones run by Big Tech. Let them know we’re onto them! Pt2 in comments 👇

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